Ex-PAP MP Amrin Amin: Resilience cannot mean enduring everything

SINGAPORE: In a Facebook post on July 12 (Sunday), former People’s Action Party Member of Parliament (PAP MP) Amrin Amin posted a reflection on the themes of a popular South Korean drama called Teach You a Lesson, which tackles issues such as students’ and teachers’ rights, bullying, and reform.

Perhaps because bullying has been an ongoing issue in Singapore and Mr Amrin is a parent, he’s given a lot of thought to the matter.

The show is about a government-sanctioned vigilante squad allowed to deal with bullies. As Mr Amrin described how they do so as “No committees. No paperwork. Swift, hard chops,” he added that at least in part, he enjoyed it.

“Watching a bully finally meet someone they couldn’t bully was satisfying, but the show is a fantasy. And the fantasy is appealing precisely because real life is harder,” he wrote.

In reality, teachers have the difficult task of protecting victims of bullying while determining what exactly went on, even as these types of acts can happen in spaces where adults are not fully aware of or are part of.

He added that no single punishment can deal with bullying, and in addition to teachers’ already heavy workloads, they still have to do the “slow, careful and consistent work” of untangling bullying situations.

This led Mr Amrin to wonder not whether his own children are bullied, but if they are, would they even be aware of it, because for a number of reasons, children are not always forthcoming with their parents. Therefore, he does his best to simply listen to them.

He also wrote about an unresolved tension he has as a parent. On the one hand, he wants his kids to be resilient, able to manage situations when their friends are unkind or dislike them.

“But resilience cannot mean enduring everything,” he added. “Sometimes the lesson is to stand firm. Sometimes it is to walk away, find other friends and sit at a different table.”

This is a challenge for any parent, recognising what lesson a situation calls for, he wrote, adding that he is unsure if he always gets it right.

In the end, what matters as well in a bullying situation is the example set by parents, he wrote.

“Most children will not be the bully or the victim. They will be watching, deciding whether to laugh, remain silent or step in. And they will take their cues from us: what we reward, what we excuse, and what happens to those who stand alone.

No bureau can do that work for us.

Children are not only listening to what we tell them. They are watching what we tolerate,” added the former MP. /TISG

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