Daughter who inherited S$1.05 million from late mother says father pressures her to pay more than siblings, asks if she’s wrong to refuse

SINGAPORE: A young woman who inherited ~S$1.05 million from her late mother has taken to Reddit to ask if she is wrong for refusing her “abusive” father’s demands to contribute more than her siblings.

Posting on the r/askSingapore forum on Monday (Mar 30), the woman explained that when her mother passed away, she and her three older siblings each inherited roughly S$150,000 from her savings, while she alone received her mother’s CPF funds of around ~S$900,000, bringing her total inheritance to more than ~S$1.05 million.

Her father, on the other hand, inherited the family house and car but received no liquid assets.

Before her mother passed, she said, her mother verbally instructed her to give S$700 a month to her aunt and to help her father with any expenses related to selling the house.

“Just to clarify, these instructions were verbal and not written anywhere. It actually does me no benefit to have told my family about them—I could have easily kept quiet and used the money entirely for myself, but I chose to be transparent because I wanted to respect my mum’s wishes.”

Her father’s demands

The woman said that after inheriting the larger share, her father pressured her to contribute far more than her siblings.

Two days ago, he allegedly asked each of her siblings for S$200, excluding her eldest sister, who had already moved out, while demanding a total of S$1,000 from her, claiming that the extra S$800 was for her “mum’s contribution.”

He also allegedly asked her to fork out S$3,000 for car upkeep, even though she pointed out that she does not use the car at all and does not even have a driving licence.

Beyond the financial demands, she said the situation has also extended into control over her personal decisions. 

She claimed her father has tried to dictate how she invests her inheritance and has reacted aggressively when he disapproved, including instances where he allegedly became physically violent.

Because of this, she said she had, on several occasions, given in and paid extra amounts, sometimes more than S$1,000 at a time, just to avoid conflict and keep the peace at home. 

Over time, however, she felt that this approach only led to more expectations rather than resolving anything.

“I was willing to contribute more before to maintain peace and because I did receive more, but now it feels like I’m being taken advantage of and enabling abusive behaviour.”

“Recently, things escalated—he hit me multiple times in the head during an argument. I felt dizzy afterwards (doctor said I’m okay), but that was my breaking point, and I’ve decided to move out. I left the group chat afterwards for the first time ever, but he added me back a few days later to continue his verbal abuse. I received no apology for his physical abuse.”

She also said that her father has always been this way. 

According to her, he is “controlling and extremely volatile.” She added that he “scolds and criticises his children every day” and suffers from “serious hoarding and extreme frugality.”

None of her siblings is on her side

Unfortunately, none of her siblings has come to her side. She said they have been pressuring her to give in to their father’s demands, insisting that she should simply pay because she inherited more than them.

“My siblings (29-female, and 28-male, who still live at home) say I should just pay because I received more inheritance, but I feel like they could be only saying this so they don’t have to bear the cost themselves. These are the reasons they gave: My sister argues that the car was essentially my mum’s, and my dad never even wanted a car. So in her view, since I inherited most of my mum’s money, I should take over the cost of maintaining it.”

“However, I don’t use the car at all (I don’t even have a licence), and the only regular users are my dad and my brother—my brother drives it almost daily, often for personal use (e.g., sending his girlfriend home).”

“My brother argues that my dad never wanted our current house (it’s a landed property with high upkeep). He says it was my mum’s decision to buy it, and she was the one paying most of the expenses before she passed (she earned significantly more than my dad—S$30k vs S$9k).” 

“So in his view, my mum ‘trapped’ my dad into a lifestyle he can’t afford, and since I received most of her inheritance, I should now bear that financial burden on her behalf, as it’s ‘my mum’s responsibility,’ as the mortgage has been paid off already and now we just need to pay for upkeep.”

While the woman said she understands her siblings’ perspectives, she still felt that things were somehow unfair.

“Why is my dad still calculating ‘mum’s share’ as if she’s alive? If anything, shouldn’t expenses be split equally among us? Why should I pay for a car I don’t use, and that isn’t under my name? Why am I expected to keep paying more when I’m being verbally abused and physically assaulted?” she asked.

Criticised for spending her own money

She also shared that her family criticises her whenever she spends on herself, accusing her of using “mummy’s money,” despite having her own income.

“Anytime I spend money on myself (like going on trips), my family criticises me for using ‘mummy’s money,’ as if I don’t earn my own income (plus ~150k that everyone received equally), while the rest of my siblings have been travelling quite often too, but no one says anything about them.”

“Each of my siblings also inherited ~S$150k each, so it’s not like they are financially struggling, and they could all also pitch in on these extra expenses that I have been single-handedly tanking.”

“I’ve done my part”

Reflecting on everything, she said she no longer feels responsible for meeting her father’s increasing demands, especially since she believes she has already honoured her mother’s wishes.

“At this point, I feel like I’ve fulfilled my mum’s wishes, the inheritance is mine to manage, I shouldn’t be forced to fund assets I don’t own or use, and I definitely shouldn’t be expected to tolerate abuse while doing so,” she said.

“Also, if my mum truly intended for me to fund ongoing house/car maintenance, she would have included this in her instructions to me or allocated money to my dad directly. She didn’t. The only thing she asked was that I help with selling the house.”

Seeking some clarity, she turned to others to ask if she might be in the wrong. She questioned whether her refusal to shoulder the additional costs was justified or if it came across as selfish.

“Am I wrong for refusing to pay the extra amounts? Is my family being unreasonable, or am I being selfish here? How should I handle this situation? I’m moving out soon, but I just want clarity on whether I’m being fair. And I’m also quite scared that my dad will break my PC between now and when I move out.”

“Distance yourself if you must.”

Within five hours of being posted, the story attracted more than 60 responses from Singaporean Redditors.

Many encouraged the woman to move out, stressing that the inheritance was hers alone to manage. 

One commenter pointed out that there was little point in her receiving such a large sum if others were dictating how it should be used

“Your inheritance is yours to keep and manage as you deem fit. What is the point of allocating this sum to you when others are controlling it?” they said. “I think you should move out to end this, mute your chat, or just outright leave and block your father.”

“I don’t really like your siblings’ reasoning for you to continue paying for the house and car-related expenses,” another chimed in. “But more significantly, it reveals that they are only looking out for themselves, and there’s no family to begin with. Nothing you do would work without help. Honestly, some distance seems great.”

A third user added, “Hmm, just curious… is there a reason why your mum left you ~1 million whereas your siblings only got S$150k each? I would understand your siblings’ resentment since you received 7x more than they did. That said, the money is yours for whatever reasons, and you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t wish to. Distance yourself if you must.”

A fourth wrote, “With toxic dad and siblings like these, no wonder your mum left you the inheritance instead. Best for you to cut off from them entirely. By renting outside, it would have cost you less, bring you more sanity.”

In other news, a worker took to social media on Friday (Mar 28) to share that they feel quite “isolated” in their own workplace because the majority of their team members all speak Mandarin, a language they are not proficient in.

In a post titled ‘Navigating Chinese-speaking office culture as a banana,’ the worker explained they work in a statutory board team of around 15 people, where about half are Malaysians or naturalised Singaporeans from Malaysia who are more comfortable speaking Mandarin.

Read more: ‘I feel like a foreigner in my own country’: SG worker says Mandarin-speaking office culture leaves them isolated