SG woman asks why some men take offence at being rejected over finances: ‘Isn’t marriage the most important financial decision?’

SINGAPORE: In a query that has sparked discussion on Reddit, a Singaporean woman is asking why some men respond with hurt or indignation when women rule them out on the basis of “financial capability.”

Posting on the r/asksg forum on Thursday (Aug 3), she wrote: “Why do ‘some’ SG men get offended when they get filtered out based on financial capability? Or throwing around the word ‘gold digger’ or ‘materialistic’ when the topic touches on what they do for a living?”

She went on to lay out a straightforward premise: Since marriage counts as the most “important financial decision” a person can ever make, then when choosing a partner, she reasoned, people should pick someone with a similar lifestyle or financial capability — or someone whose future they can picture merging their own lifestyle and financial commitments with.

She also questioned why broaching the subject of money is so controversial.

“Isn’t that like basic info to share when we get to know someone? In general, I mean—not even talking about getting to know someone on dating apps.”

“If we never talk about this and just focus on chemistry, vibe, and attraction, then when things get serious, we only find out that we’re financially incompatible or have a huge gap in lifestyle preferences—wouldn’t it be a waste of time? Unless one person is willing to compromise so much more just to meet the other person in the middle.”

Broadening the conversation, she invited married couples to weigh in on the topic. “Do you agree that [marriage is the most important financial decision]? In what context do you think it’s not valid?” she wrote, signalling that she is open to hearing perspectives that challenge her own.

‘Marry for values’

The post received mixed reactions on the forum. While some shared the woman’s belief, others strongly disagreed, telling her that it crosses a line when a woman asks a man how much he earns or filters him out because he falls below the salary range she expects from a future partner.

This, they said, shouldn’t be normalised. They argued that women should choose their partners based on their financial values.

One user explained to her, “I think discussing financial capability is fine, but asking how much your partner makes is 1 step above that.”

“You can tell me your lifestyle preferences and how you want to split finances, etc., and if I can afford that, we can continue dating. So if your lifestyle preference can be afforded with a S$70k salary, you don’t need to know whether I make S$70k or S$200k.”

Another user wrote that treating marriage primarily as a financial decision could be misguided, adding, “You can always filter for career and salary, but that’s not gonna tell you if he’s a smart investor, if he’s greedy and reckless, if he’s a penny-pincher or an irresponsible spender, etc. Marry for values. That tells you more than salary ever will.”

A third shared, “I do not know my partner’s actual salary or savings when we get married. Just know that my partner got a job, has no debt, and has good spending habits. After marriage, I realise my partner ends up way more financially stable than me.”

“Personally, I feel that the partner just has to be stable; does not need to be rich. Someone you love, someone you want to put up with for life.”/TISG

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