Son upset after mum earning S$14k demands a portion of his pay in the future: ‘She’s just asking for money for the sake of it’

SINGAPORE: A university student has admitted he felt rather upset after his mother, who earns S$14,000 a month, told him that she expects him to hand over a portion of his salary once he starts working.

The son said the demand has left him particularly annoyed because he is already thinking about the hefty financial commitments that will come with graduating and starting his career.

On Tuesday (Aug 25), he took to the r/askSingapore subreddit to seek advice, explaining that he had tried to make his mother understand that financial realities today are very different from those faced by her generation.

“I have expressed that things are not the same as 30 years ago. I need to save for BTO (planning to apply during the last year of uni), and the rising cost of living is also an issue.”

“Fresh grad pay is also quite pathetic, honestly. I will also be paying my own uni tuition fee under the higher education student loan (HESL) after uni.”

With all these expenses piling up, he said he simply does not see how he can afford to set aside part of his future salary for his mother.

“I obviously have no capacity to give anything,” he wrote. “She is not struggling financially, earning about S$14,000/month. My dad and mum are separated. My dad gives mum S$1,000 per month for my expenses and another S$1,000 for my sister. She’s genuinely just asking for money for the sake of it.”

He added that he would have seen things differently if she were earning around S$3,000 and struggling to make ends meet.

Unsure whether he was being unreasonable or whether his mother’s expectations were fair, he turned to fellow Singaporeans online for their thoughts.

“Can others help me navigate this?” he asked.

‘Negotiate with her about the amount’

While some Redditors said they could understand why the man was hesitant to hand over part of his salary, others felt his mother might simply be trying to teach him what it means to be financially responsible as an adult.

One pointed out to him, “Her underlying principle could be that, as an adult, you need to be a contributing member of the household. There have always been financial and non-pecuniary costs incurred by your mother for and on your behalf when you were a dependent.”

“Now that you are an adult, it could be that she expects you to bear your own fair share of these costs, e.g., utilities, food, laundry services, and groceries. This is reasonable.”

However, if the man genuinely could not afford to give his mother the amount she was asking for, the user suggested having an honest conversation and negotiating a compromise.

For example, he could explain that he wants to build up an emergency fund equivalent to six months of expenses before committing to a larger monthly contribution. Alternatively, he could contribute to the household in other ways, such as taking on more chores, helping with groceries, or covering specific bills. 

Once he has built up some savings, he could then increase his financial contribution.

Another commented, “So, if your mum is asking for money, there are two things you can do: give her a set sum a month to cover your share of the household expenses, or move out. But I can almost guarantee you that the rent and expenses you pay will exceed what you might otherwise give your mum.”

A third Redditor also encouraged him to negotiate rather than outright refuse his mother’s request. 

“Negotiate with her about the amount you’re giving. I gave S$100 a month when I first started working, earning S$2.2k before CPF. It’s just my contribution to the household. Like to cover ‘rental, utilities.’ It’s a common parent request in Asian households.”

In other news, an HR professional was left devastated after learning that her company would be laying her off just weeks after she returned from maternity leave.

In a post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, the woman said she had recently returned to work after giving birth when she was informed that her role would be outsourced to India as part of the company’s efforts to cut costs.

Read more: ‘It stings’: HR professional devastated after company lays her off weeks after maternity leave