‘Am I going on a date or a job interview?’: SG man stunned by woman’s financial questions

SINGAPORE: A young man said he was caught off guard when his date fired off a string of blunt questions about his finances.

On Friday (Aug 15), he shared on the r/asksg forum that his first date with the woman wasn’t romantic at all. In fact, he felt like he had gone into a “job interview.”

Rather than getting to know him through questions about his interests, family or past relationships, the woman allegedly went straight into questions about his “credit report, income slips, CPF savings and whether he had any other matches.”

Stunned by the line of questioning, he joked, “Am I going on a date or a job interview? Lol.”

Although it was a rather short post, it caught the attention of other Singaporean Reddit users, mostly men.

The top commenter shared that he had gone through something similar. On his first date, the lady allegedly asked him questions such as, “After your current position in your org, what is the next position?,” “What is your father’s academic discipline (asked me this twice)?,” “What is your sibling’s salary; do you do investments?”

Another user said, “I bet it’s an older woman you are dating. I’ve encountered this too. Some people get more calculative with age after being played, cheated on or burned in past relationships. By the time I meet them, it feels like I’m paying for the mistakes of guys who came before me.”

The user added that he understood that some women simply want their partners to have some “financial stability”, but asking these sorts of questions on the first few dates was simply too much. “At that point I’m not dating, I’m submitting a loan application.”

A third commenter wrote, “I had a first date where it felt like she had a checklist of requirements and questions. It was horrible, I pretty much had to explain my envisioned life plan to her and where she could fit in as my partner.”

‘Financial habits, discipline, priorities, and mindset matter’

Aside from the men who shared their experiences, the woman was also heavily criticised by some users for asking questions that came across as “materialistic,” although a few still stepped in to defend her.

One individual explained at length: “When I was younger, I didn’t care much about status or money. But as we mature and step into adulthood, we realise that financial stability and responsibility are important topics to discuss, especially when considering a serious relationship and a future together.”

“It’s not about wanting to drain a man’s pockets or expecting him to pay for everything. It’s about understanding what kind of future you could realistically build with that person. Financial habits, discipline, priorities, and mindset matter.”

“If a man has no discipline when it comes to spending, it can become a serious concern for a woman who is financially responsible and understands the importance of planning for the future.”

She also argued that people who are dating with the intention of pursuing a long-term relationship should be willing to have open conversations about finances, careers, personal goals and financial stability.

In her view, asking such questions should not automatically be regarded as “materialistic,” provided they are raised respectfully.

Another user agreed with her point but stressed that although financial compatibility is important, people should still avoid asking overly personal questions on a first date.

“Saying it on the first date seems a little too fast. I don’t even know what you like or dislike. Whether I want to go long term with you, but you’re asking me about money already,” he added.

Observe their lifestyle instead

Erika Ettin, founder of dating consultancy A Little Nudge, takes a similar view. In her piece for The Oregonian, she suggests putting the financial interrogation on hold, at least during the first few dates.

“I don’t recommend asking explicit questions about someone’s finances early on, especially in the first few dates,” she says. 

“You may think you’re saving time, but in the process of essentially interviewing your date for a ‘right’ answer, you may also be putting them on the defensive and making them think that the only value they have to you is the number of dollar signs in their bank account.”

If someone wants to get a rough idea of their date’s financial situation, Ettin suggests paying attention to their lifestyle instead.

She explains that how often someone travels, how much they spend on hobbies, the type of holidays they take and even the restaurants they choose can reveal quite a bit about their financial habits without having to ask for their bank statement.

Over time, these little details can show whether someone is a big spender, a careful saver or somewhere in between.

“Observing how someone actually lives their life is a lot more telling than asking someone a question too soon —  a question that they may or may not answer honestly.”

Read also: 24 y/o soon-to-be father earning S$5.2k asks, ‘How can I go further in life with only a diploma?’