Bakery apologises even though Singaporeans say elderly staff if not at fault for offending ‘entitled parent’

SINGAPORE: Despite netizens’ assertions that a parent was at fault after she exposed an elderly bakery worker online for offending her, Four Leaves has apologised over the incident.

The parent had shared the incident on the Complaint Singapore Facebook page and said she had visited Four Leaves’ Yamazaki Bakery at Vivocity with her two young children and helper.

She explained that, “Like many children with ADHD, everything happened in a split second.” Before she could react, both of her children “excitedly picked up a doughnut each from the display and took a bite.”

The mother stressed that she “immediately apologised to the staff and assured them that I would pay for both doughnuts without hesitation,” but she claimed an elderly woman standing behind the packing counter then said loudly in Chinese: “We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.”

“Those words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined,” the mother wrote.

She said she approached the woman calmly and explained that both of her children have ADHD and that what had happened “was a result of their condition, not poor parenting.”

Describing the daily realities of raising children with ADHD, the mother wrote that every outing requires “patience, constant vigilance, and understanding” because her children can “act impulsively before they fully process the consequences of their actions.”

She added that parents like herself fight “silent battles that the public never sees—therapy appointments, emotional meltdowns, endless teaching, and the constant effort to help our children fit into a world that often misunderstands them.”

The mother concluded by appealing for greater empathy. “I don’t expect everyone to understand ADHD, but I do hope people can choose kindness over judgement,” she wrote, adding: “Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best.”

The post ended up backfiring on the mother after she included a photo of the elderly worker. The image appeared to have been taken without the worker’s knowledge and initially showed her face clearly. After attracting criticism, the mother reposted the image with the woman’s face hastily censored.

Many commenters argued that the decision to post the worker’s photograph contradicted the mother’s own call for compassion. Others questioned how the elderly worker could have known the circumstances behind the children’s behaviour.

Some commenters said the parent should have just said sorry and dropped the issue. The strongest backlash, however, centred on the decision to post the elderly worker’s photograph online.

Quite a number of commenters urged the mother to extend the same understanding to the elderly woman that she had asked others to show her family. Some also worried that the post could have consequences beyond online criticism, such as job loss.

While some commenters accepted that the worker’s remark was insensitive and could have been hurtful, the overwhelming sentiment in the discussion was that publicly photographing and exposing an elderly employee was a disproportionate response, with many arguing that the compassion the mother asked for should have been extended to the bakery worker as well.

Despite the online support for the bakery worker, Four Leaves has apologised to the mother over the incident.

In a statement, the company said it had contacted her and “sincerely apologised” for its employee’s remarks. It added that the employee had been unaware of the family’s circumstances and should not have made such comments.

“We will not tolerate such behaviour and will ensure that similar incidents do not happen again,” the company said.

Four Leaves also confirmed that it has launched an internal investigation into the matter.

Following the incident, the company said it will arrange for employees to undergo relevant training to help them better understand and serve customers with special needs.

The company added that it is also arranging to meet the mother in person to apologise.