‘I’m always the one trying’: Man says girlfriend never reciprocates his efforts

SINGAPORE: After months of feeling like he’s the one doing all the giving, a Singaporean man took to social media to ask if he should finally tell his girlfriend that he doesn’t feel loved.

In his post on the r/sgdatingscene forum, the man confessed, “I don’t think my girlfriend loves me as much as I do…We always say ‘I love you’ to each other, but like some people tell me, actions speaks louder than words, and I just don’t see her doing alot of stuff for me where I will think: omg she loves me so much (maybe I am blind, I don’t know).”

He shared that throughout their relationship, he’s always tried to show his affection through thoughtful little gestures rather than grand romantic displays.

From taking a longer route home just to send her to her station, staying up late to comfort her, visiting her when she was upset, buying her favourite snacks, keeping notes of things she likes so he could surprise her later, and dropping off meals when she was too busy at work to eat, he said he genuinely enjoys doing these things for her.

At the same time, he admitted he can’t help wishing she would return even a small fraction of that effort.

One incident, in particular, left him especially hurt.

After learning that his girlfriend had skipped breakfast before her shift, he decided to surprise her at work with something to eat.

Rather than appreciating the gesture, however, she seemed unhappy to see him.

“Her reaction was just so off, like she was not happy to see me,” he recalled. “I know she’s busy with her F&B work, but I thought taking my gift would take less than a second, and she could eat it later, but she didn’t at least appreciate my effort. She told me not to visit her at work again.”

Feeling conflicted, he turned to other users for advice, asking, “What should I do? Should I tell her I don’t feel loved or what?”

“If there is doubt, just move on”

In the discussion thread, many encouraged the man to have an honest conversation with his girlfriend before jumping to conclusions.

One user wrote, “Yes, you should tell her, because you are not receiving the type of love that you gave her. Communication is important; express your needs clearly and explain why you feel hurt. That’s how you make a long-lasting relationship. You expect reciprocity as well as a partner, but you also need to understand from her perspective. Maybe she is tired, maybe she is stressed from certain factors like period, family, etc.”

Another suggested that the couple might simply have different love languages, saying, “Giving her the benefit of the doubt, have you discussed yalls’s love languages? It could be that she doesn’t feel loved if you’re not loving her how she wants you to. Same for her; she may think she shows that she loves you, but not in the way you want her to.”

Others, however, felt the relationship had already run its course and advised the man to move on.

One said, “If there is doubt, just move on. I’ve learnt the hard way that clarifying only works if both parties are healed enough and mature enough to want to communicate. Most of the time, once there is a bit of doubt, honestly best to walk away while it is possible to keep things cordial.”

In other news, a father shared that he is contemplating leaving his wife of 18 years after both of their children begged him to divorce her.

Posting on the r/SingaporeRaw forum, the father said the request came after his wife allegedly treated their children, aged 10 and 14, horribly, particularly the older one, whom she allegedly constantly berated to the point that she self-harmed.

Read more: Singapore father says wife repeatedly berated teen daughter, now both children want him to divorce her