Man claims his mum gambled away retirement fund and now expects children to pay for everything: ‘She squeezes us dry’

SINGAPORE: A frustrated son has claimed that his 60-year-old mother gambled away her retirement savings and is now treating him and his siblings as her personal retirement fund.

In a post on the r/singaporefi subreddit on Friday (June 26), he said his mother had made multiple trips to Resorts World and Genting over the years, allegedly losing a few hundred thousand dollars of her savings.

According to the son, she refuses to listen to any advice about managing her finances and deeply distrusts her children. Yet, despite brushing off their attempts to help, she continues demanding thousands of dollars in allowance, money he believes ultimately fuels her gambling habit.

“She squeezes us dry. I am tired of my mother’s exponentially increasing allowance request every year,” he wrote. “The sh***y thing is she will take my money that I try to save for her, like putting it into a fixed deposit, gamble it away, and come back asking for more.”

I pay for everything

The monthly allowance is only part of the financial burden, he said.

According to the son, he also pays for virtually all of his parents’ expenses, including their medical bills, dental treatment, utility bills, phone bills, housing tax, town council fees, and even their income taxes.

To make matters worse, he claimed his parents would occasionally decide to go on holiday and simply expect him to foot the bill.

Unsurprisingly, this has started to affect his own finances. 

“I feel hopeless. It’s quite alarming to see that my savings are not increasing at all… I live very humbly, yet my overall expenditure, including on my parents, is starting to reach my income or sometimes exceeding it in months… When I could not pay up for certain things, they would blame me for being useless, and oftentimes I almost wanted to die off.”

He added that every attempt to have a proper conversation with his parents (especially his mother) about their spending habits has gone nowhere.

“I cannot properly sit down and talk with her without a mental breakdown,” he said. “The non-stop verbal abuse (sometimes physical) is what led to me leaving the house and starting renting outside.”

CPF Life might be the only way

Feeling like he had run out of alternatives, the man wondered if topping up his mother’s CPF Retirement Account (RA) might be the only practical long-term solution.

He explained that because his mother had been a housewife for most of her life, she did not accumulate enough CPF savings to meet the retirement sum required for meaningful CPF LIFE payouts.

“She just reached 60. There are 5 more years left to CPF life payout. It’s a rather short runway. Also, I see that there is a matched retirement top-up scheme, where the government will match an equal amount. The portal shows that she is eligible.”

The problem, however, is that he has no idea how much is currently in her CPF account.

Every time he tried to ask, he claimed, she would “rage and throw a hell storm,” making it impossible for him to find out how much more would need to be topped up.

“I do not know enough to commit to a 5-year plan of silently topping up her RA. I am already struggling at the moment… I need to know if it’s worth it. To endure, and work hard to top it up while suffering her verbal abuses for not raising her monthly allowance…”

Turning to the online community for advice, he asked, “Should I take a leap of faith to top up without being able to see the balance? What if I can’t reach the Full Retirement Sum (FRS) in 5 years’ time due to not knowing the gap? Will there be ZERO payout if FRS is not met?”

“How can I help my mother who refused to help herself? She doesn’t trust CPF and always thinks it’s money that is locked away and untouchable. She isn’t very intelligent and easily swayed by other ill-informed elderlies with the same mindset of not topping up CPF.”

He added, “Is it possible for children to write in and request to view parent balance so that we can help them? Anyone knows? Many people told me to just cut off this toxic relationship, but I am not cold-hearted enough to do that.”

Redditors urge him to draw the line

Many Singaporean Redditors sympathised with the man’s situation, but said things were unlikely to improve unless he started setting firm boundaries to protect both his finances and his mental well-being.

One commenter wrote, “You have to set your own boundaries on how much you want to enable them. Have thicker face – so what if they call you useless? Give within your means – that can mean differently for everyone.”

Another said, “Boundaries. Draw your boundaries. Your mum needs boundaries, just like how parents discipline their children with boundaries. Drawing boundaries is love, not cold-heartedness. It helps your mum to grow up and understand how the real world works.”

A third suggested limiting financial support to essential living expenses instead of handing over cash directly.

“You don’t have to cut off the relationship, just cut off the money. Stop giving it directly to her, or give only enough for food and groceries. If you feel bad, put the rest into a savings account that she can’t access as her retirement fund.” 

“If they threaten to cut off the relationship because you stop giving money, then they are the cold-hearted ones for taking your support for granted.”/TISG

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