‘People say I don’t think about Singapore’: Singaporean says colleagues gave unsolicited advice about children, marriage and her relationship

SINGAPORE: Singapore’s falling fertility rate is a hot topic these days, but one woman says some people have taken the national concern a little too personally.

After telling her older colleagues that she doesn’t want children, she says she was called “selfish” and even accused of being “someone who doesn’t think about Singapore.”

Sharing her story on the Reddit forum called “r/singaporespeaks,” the woman said she can no longer count how many times she’s heard them say that she should “have more babies.”

“I don’t understand why some of these people think it’s okay to ‘advise’ on such personal issues,” she wrote. 

She said the remarks are especially frustrating because younger people today are making these decisions under very different circumstances.

“I’m frustrated because I believe it shouldn’t be their place to say such things. Times have changed and circumstances are different and younger people like myself approach this matter very differently.”

Keep it to yourselves

She went on to share that most of these comments came from men aged between 45 and 60.

“I’m appalled by the number of men who make these comments. If you don’t have the ability to bear a child, I think you should restrain some of your opinions on a woman’s choice.”

“Second, so many in this age range are divorced or cheating or clearly miserable in their marriages and because of that they’ve become cynical and somehow ‘qualified’ to comment on my relationship.”

The woman added that these men have also told her that her relationship “won’t last” or that she should “date more” before settling down.

“I mean seriously? What do you want me to do? Break up a relationship of 5 years with my boyfriend just like that? Some people are happy in their relationships, some people are perfectly content.”

At the end of her post, she said, “I think these comments are really inappropriate and people just need to keep it to themselves. I’m curious if my fellow ladies have experienced these kinds of comments and how yall handle it.”

“Learn to tune it out”

While many Reddit users agreed the remarks were inappropriate, quite a few also said this sort of workplace behaviour is unfortunately common. Their advice was to stop taking the comments to heart and avoid sharing too many personal details at work.

One user wrote, “If you can’t learn to not take everything so seriously, I have some bad news for you. They are in the wrong but that doesn’t mean you need to take it to heart. They probably have nothing else better to do in their lives.”

Another agreed, saying, “Learn to tune it out. Give a blank stare and continue doing your job. Also don’t reveal any more personal details. If you must answer as a professional courtesy, then answer ‘mmm, ok.’ But don’t be so sensitive either. Otherwise, you will find it difficult/awkward to work in any workplace, as there will be varying degrees of this everywhere.”

A third commenter, who said they’ve been single for most of their adult life, shared that they regularly receive unsolicited relationship advice from older people.

“I’ve been single for most of my adult life, and I always get ‘well-meaning’ advice from older people to lower my standards, blah blah blah. I just laugh it off and change the topic. They want to comment? Let them comment lor. It won’t kill you.”

Others, however, felt the woman had every right to be annoyed.

One commenter said her older colleagues “have no respect and social awareness.”

Another added that inappropriate workplace comments like this are often brushed aside as ‘jokes.’”

“I’m not sure what your age range is, but most millennials in my company (I’m a Gen Z) seem to be okay with the inappropriate comments some of our colleagues make (mostly male); hence, when new people join and find it inappropriate/disturbing, they always say, ‘Gen Z nowadays can’t take jokes,’ which is damn sickening.” 

“Like everyone is just trying to get by with their day and end work on time and go home. Who wants to entertain your ‘jokes’?”

In other news, one Singaporean got quite the surprise after tracking her food expenses for a month and realising she was spending far more than she thought.

In a post on Reddit’s r/askSingapore forum, she shared that whenever people asked how much she spent on food each month, her answer was always roughly the same.

“I spend about S$10 to S$15 a day on food. Hawker here, cai png there, maybe grab a Luckin when I have the voucher,” she wrote.

Read more: Singaporean tracks every meal for a month and gets a shock when her food bill hits S$726