‘He doesn’t want to waste time’: Woman torn after boyfriend raises topic of children early on

SINGAPORE: A 21-year-old woman has turned to Reddit for advice after a difficult conversation about children left her wondering if her relationship is already headed for trouble.

Posting anonymously on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit, the woman shared that her boyfriend recently brought up having kids and told her he wanted clarity sooner rather than later on where she stands about starting a family.

The discussion caught her completely off guard. Since they had only started dating not too long ago and are both still just 21, she felt the conversation was far too serious for this stage of their lives.

According to her, she still sees both of them as young adults who are far too early to be making major life decisions about marriage, children, and settling down.

“I told him honestly that I’m not sure yet and that I feel like it’s too early for me to decide,” she wrote.

“I’ve always had the thought of living a child-free life, but I might change my mind in the future, who knows?” she added.

The woman explained that, in her mind, conversations about children should happen much later in life, perhaps five or even 10 years down the road when both partners are older, financially independent, emotionally mature, and more stable overall.

Her boyfriend, however, sees things very differently.

Since he already knows he definitely wants children one day, he believes it is important to address the issue early rather than risk years in a relationship that may ultimately fall apart because of incompatible goals.

“He thinks that now is the right time to talk about kids. He’s worried about ‘wasting time’ if we end up dating for years but ultimately want different things,” she wrote. “He wants to have kids really bad.”

Although she understands his perspective, the woman said she personally does not view relationships that fail as meaningless or wasted experiences.

“Even if things end in the future, I feel like the time spent loving each other and growing together is still meaningful.”

“At the same time, I also get that having kids is a big life decision and not something you can just ignore forever.”

Now feeling confused and emotionally torn, she asked Reddit users, “Should we continue the relationship and hope for the future to turn out the way we both want? Should we break up because of this ‘kids’ issue? And any other advice would be really helpful. I really don’t know what to do now. We both really love each other, so will it be worth the heartbreak over this matter?”

“Trust me, it does matter”

In the discussion thread, many commenters felt the boyfriend was simply being realistic by bringing up the topic early. Quite a few said conversations about children should happen sooner rather than later because it is one of the biggest compatibility issues in a relationship.

One Reddit user shared that they already knew they did not want children from a very young age and that their feelings never changed, even into adulthood. 

“Oh, I knew I never wanted kids at the age of 14. I’m 30 now and still feel the same way. I had this talk with my now husband when we were 23/24,” one comment read. “Wanting or not wanting kids is something both parties MUST agree on.”

“I don’t think there’s ever a ‘too early’ in discussing whether a couple wants kids or not. For my wife and I, we had the conversation during dinner on the date where we got together to ensure we were both aligned on this,” another added.

Others, meanwhile, bluntly told the woman to leave the relationship.

“Don’t waste each other’s time and just break up now. Wanting to have kids or not is a major deal-breaker, and it’s one of those things that can’t be compromised on. Once the kid is born, you can’t go back in time to reverse that decision,” one said.

“Trust me, it does matter. If you are iffy, let him go,” another chimed in.

In other news, an employee expressed her frustration online after discovering that someone had complained about her phone usage during office hours, even though she insists her work performance has never been affected.

Sharing the incident on the r/singaporejobs forum, the employee said that she has been working in a “typical corporate office” for over a year, where the workforce is largely made up of older staff.

Read more: ‘We are not in school anymore’: Employee upset over being reported for using phone during work hours