Man says ex-fiancée demanded S$15k after BTO cancellation: ‘She wants the downpayment back’

SINGAPORE: A man has found himself in an unexpected dispute after his ex-fiancée insisted he reimburse her S$15,000 in cash for the CPF downpayment she lost when their BTO application was cancelled.

Hoping to find some guidance, he posted on the r/asksg subreddit on Tuesday (Apr 28). 

In his post, he explained that he had been in a relationship with his ex-fiancée for five years before they called off their wedding plans. He also noted that he had already returned her share of the wedding banquet and vendor expenses.

Matters, however, became complicated when his ex-fiancée said she expected him to refund her for the BTO downpayment as well.

“When it comes to the forfeit for the BTO, she felt that I am responsible to pay her back in cash. Approximately S$15k from the loss from CPF. Do you think I should be paying her back the money?” he asked others.

The man said they both paid “50/50 for the BTO deposit.”

“Legally, I am not obliged to pay her anything, but she and her family are determined to have the money back and have been pursuing me constantly on this issue. This led to a number of harassment messages from them. Is it a must to pay her back? I just don’t find it justifiable to pay her back entirely. I have borne a substantial amount of money with the loss of the wedding and now another round for the CPF money,” he continued. “I have already paid her back the banquet/vendor cost even before I was able to get a refund from the shops, and now they are coming for more.”

The man also clarified that neither party had been unfaithful during the relationship. The decision to call off the wedding, he said, was his, after he concluded that an unresolved “internal problem” between them would eventually lead to divorce.

“I initiated the cancellation…It was a last-minute decision to back off,” he said. “I woke up from it.”

“She’s just using this to her advantage.”

The post quickly gained traction on the forum, with many Singaporeans jumping in to share their thoughts on the issue.

One individual wrote that the post author should not give in to the demand because it “was a mutual loss,” adding, “Just ignore them and block if necessary.”

Another user said, “Pay her back in cash? At the end of the day, it was a 50/50 CPF payment. If you have to pay her back in cash for her share, why not also claim it back from her in cash as well? Lastly, it’s CPF, not cash. There is no such thing as converting CPF payments to cash. She’s just using this to her advantage.”

A third commented, “If you really don’t have money, then no point, bro. You already did good by paying her share for the wedding banquet. I don’t think you need to pay for her CPF too.”

Several others, however, disagreed and said that he should at least compensate her in some way since he “initiated” the cancellation.

“You’re the cause of the breakup,” one user argued. “You ‘foresaw’ an issue and initiated it. Instead of resolving the issue, you decided on the breakup. You’re the reason for the monetary loss.”

Another added, “My 2 cents would be, although you are very gentlemanly and gave back the wedding expenses that she forked out already, CPF-wise it does sound slightly unfair to her because of how last-minute your cancellation of BTO comes in.” 

“Paying back the entire S$15k can be too much of a burden and might even place you in debt. Maybe offer to pay back 50%? Generally, anywhere from 30 to 70%, whichever you feel comfortable enough with.”

In other news, a Singaporean took to Reddit to open up about how being laid off has deeply affected the way they see themselves.

In their post, they shared that they have been carrying a persistent sense of being “useless,” describing it as a feeling that refuses to go away, no matter how hard they try to stay occupied or push forward.

Read more: Laid-off Singaporean says he feels ‘useless’ as relentless job search yields no results