Man asks, ‘Are we getting married for love or for our BTO queue number?’

SINGAPORE: A local man took to social media to question whether young couples here are truly marrying for love or simply bending their lives to fit the rigid Build-To-Order (BTO) timeline.

In a post on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Thursday (Aug 28), the man said the HDB BTO process has become such a central part of a young couple’s journey that it now dictates how relationships progress.

He pointed out that, unlike in most other countries, where marriage is a personal decision based on readiness, Singaporeans often have to decide years in advance, sometimes in their early twenties, whether the person they’re dating is “the one,” just so they can apply for a flat.

On one hand, he said, many couples try to focus on the positives. They see the BTO application process as a “shared project that proves their commitment to the future and a practical first step toward building a family and a home.”

On the other hand, he warned that the process comes with real risks. What happens if a couple realises they are not really meant for each other, but by then they are already “so deep into the HDB process” that walking away feels impossible?

Wanting to hear other perspectives, he asked the online community: “Are we getting married for love or for our BTO queue number? Does this timeline force people to make the biggest decision of their lives based on a government-mandated schedule?”

He added, “So, from both the male and female perspective, how does the BTO timeline truly impact our romantic relationships? Is it a solid foundation for love, or a logistical hurdle that puts too much pressure on young couples?”

“It is a fast money-making scheme.”

In response to the man’s post, one local shared their experience, writing, “When I was a long student, we had to do CIP. I volunteered at the family court. One of the biggest reasons for broken marriages is getting married early to get a BTO. Broken but can’t divorce because of the BTO.”

Another commenter added that in reality, a lot of people in Singapore marry “mainly for the BTO,” and love is often just a side factor. They explained that if the property were taken out of the picture, many couples probably wouldn’t stay together, which shows that some relationships are driven more by financial incentives than genuine feelings.

A third wrote, “It is a fast money-making scheme. To make matters even worse, Singapore recently adopted divorce through mutual consent. What a loophole…..”

In other news, a 26-year-old man took to social media to share that he ‘now regrets’ breaking up with his girlfriend of 16 months, who constantly pressured him over his job search, finances, and her own high expectations.

Sharing his story on the r/sgdatingscene on Wednesday (Aug 27), the man explained that his girlfriend is “ambitious and career-driven”, earning between S$5,000 and S$7,000 a month as the sole breadwinner of her family. In sharp contrast, he has been struggling to secure employment in a difficult job market since graduating.

Read more: Singaporean man regrets breakup with S$7k-earning GF who pressured him over job search and money