SINGAPORE: A man took to social media to ask other locals, “Those who grew up with very demanding parents: in retrospect, did they act in your best interest? Or is it their own?”
In a post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, he shared that his mum had placed many expectations on him from a young age. She often reminded him that caring for their parents was “100 percent” a child’s responsibility. She also insisted he should eventually marry a “traditional” woman who would take care of her, and that he must seek her approval before entering a relationship or getting married because “older people have more experience.”
Looking back, he feels that many of these expectations weren’t truly about guiding or supporting him, but about ensuring her own comfort later in life.
He also wrote that he was expected to get good grades and land a high-paying job, all so she could enjoy a comfortable, or even luxurious, lifestyle.
He further shared, “When I was in junior sec, before we got internet at home, I’d watch channel 8 drama with her, and whenever there’s a relationship problem, she always said that this could have been avoided had the male character sought the opinion of his mother before starting the relationship.”
“Only women understand women, she said. And, during my uni years, she always pried on my texts, worried that I was dating someone she had not approved of.”
“They probably did not want me to experience what they did…”
His post struck a chord with many Redditors who had grown up under similarly strict parenting. Some felt that, while their upbringing had been intense or even harsh at times, it ultimately came from a place of love and a deep desire to protect them from the struggles their parents once faced.
One shared, “Yes. Mum was what you would call these days a tiger mum. Made sure I did all my homework. And more. In hindsight, everything I enjoy today is thanks to my parents. This is Singapore, and education is probably the most straightforward path to social mobility.
My parents grew up very poor. They knew what it was like to be poor. And to be poor in their generation is really no joke. We’re talking about going hungry very often and being at the mercy of your landlord. So they probably did not want me to experience what they did.”
Another shared, “In retrospect, they did act in my best interest and then more often detrimental to their own well-being.
Our parents were always hard on themselves, saving and keeping their expenses to a minimum, so we could have more. My mum was even apologetic that she and my dad could not leave us much of an inheritance. We had to repeatedly remind them to just spend when they need and not worry about that.”
However, not everyone agreed with this sentiment. Others believed their parents were driven less by love and more by a need for control, obedience, or validation. To them, their own needs often took a backseat to their parents’ expectations and ideals.
One Redditor said, “No, it was never what was good for me, but what they THOUGHT was good for me, based on their own lived experiences, including generational trauma.”
Another wrote, “I feel like there’s a difference between wanting you to do your best for yourself and wanting for themselves. Mine didn’t push me for me, she did it for herself and how she would be perceived.”
In other news, a woman took to social media to express her frustration after her brother caused the family to lose over S$100,000 in a failed business venture.
Posting anonymously on r/askSingapore on Thursday (June 12), she shared that her brother had convinced the family to invest in a promising company where his close friend was the CEO and where he himself had secured a well-paying job.
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)