Singaporean dreads upcoming CNY family gathering because her relatives will once again “age shame” her

SINGAPORE: With Chinese New Year just around the corner, many are looking forward to family reunions and celebrations. But for this Singaporean woman, it’s a different story. She’s already dreading the gathering, knowing her relatives will once again “age-shame” her.

Posting on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, on Wednesday (Jan 15), the woman shared the two most common questions she faces during the gathering:

1) Aiyo, lao char bor (old girl), you’re in your mid-30s and still don’t have a bf yet; how to get married?

2) Aiyo, lao char bor (old girl), you are in your mid-30s and still collecting angpaos!?

The woman said that she is “genuinely upset and stressed” about the recurring comments and asked everyone in the forum:

“I am not sure if I am the only one who has heard such things, or if Singaporeans’ perspectives are same? If anyone has experienced the same, or worse, how do you deal with such comments?”

“Don’t go if you’re not going to enjoy yourself.”

In the comments section, many readers shared creative, fun, and even savage ways for her to handle her relatives. 

One individual said, “Grab their arm tightly so they can’t leave and start crying and traumadumping about your worst ex horror stories. For at least an hour.”

Another commented, “Tell them, ‘Because of you lar.’ Naturally they will respond, ‘this has nothing to do with me.’ Then you can say to them ‘Exactly’.”

A third individual suggested that she either respond with, “This economy bad leh, u want to fund my lifestyle?” or “hahaha must choose properly mah if not, I’ll end up like you and your husband/wife.”

Others, however, recommended that she simply not attend the gathering altogether. They argued that avoiding the situation entirely might be the best solution to avoid the stress and anxiety that come with these uncomfortable interactions.

One individual shared, “I have unintentionally missed family reunions the past 4 years because of work and gosh, the peace is addictive. Don’t go if you’re not going to enjoy yourself. 

Those relatives who choose to make things awkward for you don’t truly miss you anyway, they just miss feeling ‘superior’ at the cost of someone else’s misery.”

How to deal with nosy relatives

Dealing with nosy relatives can be challenging, but there are several ways to handle these situations effectively. According to Seasoned Times, an award-winning website offering valuable resources for adults 50 and older, one of the most effective approaches is to be direct and set clear boundaries. 

When a question crosses a line or feels too personal, it’s important to let your relatives know. This can be done politely, but firmly, by telling them that the topic makes you uncomfortable or that you prefer not to discuss it.

You can also change the subject to redirect the conversation or answer only parts of a question you’re comfortable with. Another tactic is to steer the conversation toward a related topic without addressing the intrusive part. 

If necessary, you can avoid answering their questions by finding something else to do – like checking your phone for a call or message and excusing yourself for bathroom – or using humor to deflect the question. Alternatively, you could adopt a politician’s approach by giving broad, impersonal responses.

Read more: “Is this a new thing?” — Singaporean asks after his relatives charge “$28 per pax” entrance fee for visiting their house during Xmas & CNY

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