SINGAPORE: A woman is heartbroken after a man who had been actively pursuing her for three weeks abruptly decided to end things and suggested they remain friends.
Sharing her story on Reddit’s ‘sgdatingscene’ forum on Wednesday (Nov 20), she explained that the man became distant after they met his successful friends. Prior to this, everything went smoothly.
During their talking stage, he regularly sent her food when she worked late, stayed on calls until she fell asleep, woke her up for her morning shifts, and even shared his Spotify, Disney+, and Netflix accounts without her asking. He appeared genuinely invested in her, talking about future dates and their potential as a couple.
“He openly spoke about me to all his friends and family, where I e-meet most of them through the nights we were calling, and sent me tele bubbles and audio notes throughout the day to assure me he was okay,” she said.
The woman also provided some background on the man, explaining that he had mental health struggles and that his family was an important part of his life. Additionally, she shared, “He never completed his education, and his highest qualification is O levels. He just started a job with a base salary of S$1.5k, without commissions.”
Despite these details, she didn’t mind and was simply touched by how sweet he had been to her. However, things took a sudden turn after their first date.
The woman explained that during the evening, some of his friends invited them for a drink, and they decided to join them.
“We decided to drive down and spend some time with them. His friends shared about their majors like law and banking and mostly had corporate talks,” she wrote.
The next morning, she noticed that the man suddenly became different. When she asked what was wrong, he admitted feeling conflicted about continuing their relationship. He told her there were personal reasons he couldn’t share but reassured her that their connection had been special.
“He said he can’t commit, and he doesn’t want to risk pursuing this half-heartedly. He proceeded to apologise to me and said I deserved none of these things he had done,” she wrote.
Heartbroken, she shared that his sudden withdrawal had left her confused and hurt.
“The last thing he said to me was ‘hope you’re ok’ and that was our last conversation,” she lamented. “No more good morning texts, and conversations throughout the day. Everything took a 180-degree turn in less than 10 hours.”
She then asked others in the community for advice, writing, “What went wrong here? Please. What could be so personal that jeopardised everything? And what should I do now? Do I continue to pursue? Do I give up? It hurts. It really does.”
“Guess he feel that the gap is too big.”
In the comments section, several Singaporean Redditors speculated that the man might have felt insecure about his lack of qualifications and low-paying job compared to his successful friends in corporate fields like law and banking.
One Redditor said, “Sounds like he doesn’t want to hold you back considering his lack of qualifications and future career prospects.
“There’s gonna be a big gap between the both of you in terms of education, career and salary if things were to progress further and I’m assuming he wants to avoid that.”
Another commented, “Guess he feel that the gap is too big. I think maybe meeting his friends and how his friend comment or how it happened affected him.”
Some also suggested that the woman was ‘lovebombed’ and that, unfortunately, once the initial excitement faded, the man’s insecurities took over.
One Redditor explained, “You were being lovebombed and things got serious, he ran away because he isn’t ready yet. He enjoyed the process of pursuing you but not ready for long term. He sounds like an avoidant.”
Is love bombing a bad thing?
According to psychotherapist Ami Kaplan, love bombing is a big red flag. It’s a manipulative tactic often used by people with narcissistic traits or abusive tendencies to make others feel overly dependent on them.
At first, it feels amazing—they shower you with attention, compliments, and affection, making you feel like you’re the most important person in their world.
But then, as the relationship moves forward, that intensity starts to drop. The person who was once all over you starts pulling back, becoming distant or even cold.
This sudden change can lead you to chase after the affection and approval you used to get, making you even more dependent on them.
Sasha Jackson, a licensed therapist, stresses the danger of this pattern, calling it a form of emotional abuse. She explains, “If someone gives you something, you feel that you owe them something equal or greater in return.
“So if your partner is giving you excessive love and attention, you feel like you have to give this behavior, dedication, or ‘loyalty’ in return despite the red flags you experience.”
This is why it’s crucial to recognize if you’re being love bombed. Being aware of this tactic can help you avoid falling into an unhealthy cycle where you’re constantly seeking validation from someone who might not have your best interests at heart.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)