SINGAPORE: A man took to social media on Monday (Oct 7) to share that he was shocked about his soon-to-be wife’s demand before marriage.
In a post on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, he shared that his fiancé, from Hong Kong, insisted on having no prenup and wanted him to hand over full control of his finances to her before they tied the knot.
“I needed to hand over control of all my money to her. It’s her way to feel loved, trusted, and secure,” he said. This left him feeling blindsided. He then opened up about how these demands didn’t sit right with him, especially considering his past.
After losing his parents and fending for himself at a young age, he worked hard to become financially independent. Hence, the idea of someone else controlling his money felt completely off.
“My alarm bells rang like mad, and I was like, no freaking way,” he wrote. “I still have so much anxiety and fear when it comes to money from years of not having a proper safety net,” he added.
At first, he thought it was just his partner ‘being a self-centred individual who only cared about herself.’
However, after discussing it with friends, he learned that such demands are surprisingly common in some cultures, particularly Asian households like those in China, Hong Kong, and Singapore.
“I feel like this is so outdated, but I guess I’m wrong,” he said. “I’m mind blown. I guess I never really asked others or considered this, so I thought maybe I’ll ask Reddit and try to understand if this is actually common… and that maybe I’m the frog in a well!”
“I think it’s an older-generation East Asian thing”
In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors said they’d heard similar stories from their friends in other Asian countries.
One Redditor shared, “Recently, my Beijing colleague came to Singapore, and I was amazed to hear from him that he handed over his entire pay cheque to his wife and got an allowance from her. The reason was she was ‘better’ at managing money (the irony is we are in finance lol)
Apparently, 1 out of 3 couples does that in China. I was in disbelief when he told me because I thought it was just a myth.”
Another said, “Seemed the norm for my Japanese friends. All hand over to their wives. And they get a stipend. I am in the healthcare line, so they’re doctors, nurses, and hospital administrators. Didn’t seem to matter what age (as old as the 80s!) nor city vs rural, it just is.”
A third Redditor stated, “I think it’s an older-generation East Asian thing. A number of Japanese, Korean and Chinese friends have parents who have similar arrangements.”
Others also mentioned that this kind of financial set-up is uncommon in Singapore.
Many agreed that in their circles, it’s typically expected for both partners to manage their money independently and have open discussions about finances rather than relying on one person to take control.
One Redditor commented, “My husband and I split stuff like groceries and utility bills and ensure we contribute to the joint savings account. Other than that, I don’t commandeer his $$$, and he also doesn’t touch mine, but we love to treat each other anyway.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)