SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman confessed online that she sometimes feels embarrassed to introduce her “below average-looking” boyfriend to her friends.
In a post on r/SGexams, a Reddit forum, she explained that even though he’s kind and caring, she worries about how her friends might react and fears they’ll gossip about his looks behind her back.
While she emphasized that she values his personality over his physical appearance, she couldn’t ignore the social pressure to date someone more conventionally attractive, especially in today’s image-conscious society.
“Looks do matter, to a certain extent, especially in this generation,” she wrote.
She also shared her concerns about introducing him to her family, particularly her mother, who has high expectations regarding her partner’s appearance.
On the other hand, her little sister had already met him, and her reaction took her boyfriend by surprise. “My younger sis (9) called my boyfriend ugly. Yes, she’s extremely rude and spoilt,” she said.
“I did not know what to do when I heard her call my guy ‘ugly,’ and I stayed silent and stared at her. I tried to laugh it off and told my bf that ‘aiya she calls everyone ugly one’ to make him feel better.”
Despite her desire to help him ‘glow up,’ she finds herself holding back, fearing she might hurt his feelings or make him feel self-conscious.
The idea of directly telling him, ‘You’re fat, you should hit the gym,’ or suggesting, ‘Get braces and start mewing because your jawline needs work,’ feels harsh to her, even though she believes these changes could benefit him in the long run.
Still, she clarified that she’s not breaking up with him because of his looks, as she truly loves him.
“I’m just trying to find ways to encourage him to go to the gym, do skincare, and stop delaying his braces appointment. It’s also for his own good, la,” she justified.
“How do I tell my bf to become hotter?”
“It’s not your job to give him a full makeover.”
In the comments section, Singaporean Redditors chimed in with a mix of advice and reactions. Some were supportive, suggesting gentle ways to encourage her boyfriend to improve his appearance without hurting his feelings, while others warned her about the risks of focusing too much on looks in a relationship.
Many recommended approaching the topic delicately, perhaps by suggesting they work out or do skincare routines together as a couple, making it a fun, shared activity rather than a critical demand.
One Redditor said, “Just do it yourself and make him come along. You want to go to the gym, and ask him to come along. You want to go shopping for clothes, then he also gets some clothes. etc etc.”
Another added, “Make it an ‘us’ thing rather than a ‘you’ thing. Want him to build more muscles?
Try ‘hey I’ve been wanting to build some xxx muscles recently, my friend tried out xxx gym not long ago and said it’s pretty good, but our schedules don’t match and I’m kinda scared of going alone, you mind joining me?’ Basically don’t make him feel targeted.”
On the other hand, some Redditors were more critical, pointing out that while physical appearance can be important, it shouldn’t overshadow the deeper qualities that make a relationship strong.
They argued that if she’s so concerned about how her boyfriend looks or afraid of others’ criticism, it might be a sign that she’s not fully accepting him.
One Redditor expressed, “Really concerning, if you love him and you’re fine with how he looked like initially before your friends and sister made a ruckus, then why in the hell do you need to bother with what anyone has to say about your partner?”
Another said, “You need better friends. If you are affected by your friend’s comments about your partner’s appearance, you should just break up with him because he deserves better.
You said you chose his personality over his appearance but you still seemed bothered by it. Looks is subjective and I agree that it matters to a certain extent, but it’s not your job to give him a full makeover.”
Featured image by Depositphotos