SINGAPORE: A 24-year-old Singaporean woman quickly moved out of her family home after graduating to escape the toxic environment.
She shared her story on r/SingaporeRaw on Thursday (Sep 12), explaining how the decision was driven by her need to distance herself from a harmful and negative atmosphere that had taken a significant toll on her mental and emotional health.
In her post, she mentioned that her father, who came from a very traditional Chinese family, was never supportive of her decision to pursue higher education.
As a result, she had to take matters into her own hands and finance her studies independently. She took on part-time work throughout her academic years, steadily building up enough savings to support herself.
“I have some savings, which I can use until I land a full-time job. Given the toxic nature of my family and relatives, I’ve decided to rent a room in an HDB and cut contact with them,” she wrote.
“This decision, while it is something difficult, is something I’ve carefully considered as necessary for my well-being, despite it conflicting with the cultural value of filial piety.”
As she starts this new chapter in her life, she turned to the community for guidance on how to forge new friendships and romantic connections. She said, “I would appreciate any dating advice—such as which mediums to use and which type of profiles or conversations to approach with caution.”
She also sought advice on how to explain her decision to leave her family when talking to others. “It may go against the Chinese values of filiality so I am wondering, how do I explain this to people I come across?”
“Honestly you don’t need to explain to anyone about you cutting contact with your family.”
In the discussion thread, Singaporean Redditors told her she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation for her decision.
One Redditor stressed that she should focus on her own happiness and not feel pressured to justify her choices, especially if it’s something that was crucial for her mental and emotional health.
She added, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than that of the womb. Honestly you don’t need to explain to anyone about you cutting contact with your family. As long as the decision you make is what’s best for yourself, keep going.”
Another Redditor shared that she also left home, and when she had to explain her decision to the people she was close to, only 60% of them understood her.
Occasionally, some would tell her, “Although they beat you, it still means they love you,” or “back then they don’t know all this fluffy parenting stuffy, you should be the one to understand your parents”, the Redditor added.
A third Redditor commended the young woman’s decision to move away from her family, saying, “Good for you. Ironically, sometimes moving away helps to build relationships because the parents realised what they have done.
“Also, to add on, do have at least 6 months of fixed expenses in case bad things happen. Doubt you want to go back in shame after running out of money.”
Moreover, others gave her tips on building new relationships, pointing out various dating apps and social platforms that could help her meet people with similar interests. They also encouraged her to be open to new experiences and to take things one step at a time.
One Redditor said, “Join an activity group such as a running or hiking group. You get to maintain your fitness, improve mental well-being and maybe meet new people.”
Another added, “When it comes to dating, I always think clubbing is a better platform than on dating apps, which I have given up on now, it’s always good to, chat first at least a week before meeting and see the vibes, if they don’t vibe, then just unmatch, no need to spend more time on them.
“For hobbies and meeting people, you can sign up for programmes near you based on interests, activesg app has a few classes and events like pilates and HIIT.”
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