SINGAPORE: A university student took to social media to share that she has been ‘financially stressed’ because her parents always overreact to her purchases.
“It’s really very very torturing to have these kinds of parents,”u/ChefWilling7135 wrote on subreddit r/askSingapore on Friday (Jan 26).
She wrote in her post that they were not living in poverty; however, her parents would always have something negative to say if they saw that she had something new, even if it was just a $3 gua sha massager and some wet tissue that cost $2.
“It’s like a pain to them whenever I treat myself to nice stuff because they will scold me until like dog!” she exclaimed.
She then justified that her purchases only came from the money she sometimes saved from her allowance and that she only really buys shirts, which cost about $4 or $14, twice a year.
She also added that, on top of getting reprimanded for her purchases, she had to budget “like CRAZY” in school because her parents were also very strict about her allowance.
“If I spend my daily $10 dollars allowance fully, I will be scolded, but school meals are like what? $5 dollars $7 dollars? Also, I have to eat lunch and sometimes dinner in school,” she said.
“Is there anyone facing the same issue coz ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY! —- In this case what should I do 😭 …. Is making me regret doing uni…,” she wrote at the end.
S’porean Redditors: “If you don’t want your parents to nag, go out and start earning your keep.”
Instead of sympathizing with the student, numerous redditors came to her parents defense and stated that if she didn’t want her parents to nag, she should just “go out and start earning her keep.”
One user wrote, “If they are paying for your uni fees, your food, your bills, and putting a roof over your head… they can comment on your spending habits. Because you are spending their money, however, if you work and buy with your own money, they probably won’t comment as much.
Another user also chimed in on the conversation and urged her to ask her parents if they are struggling financially, adding, “See their point of view; if you don’task, you won’t know. There must be a good reason they are frugal.”
One user also offered two explanations for her parents’ behavior, stating that her parents could have grown up poor and had thus acquired a scarcity mindset, or they could be benchmarking how expensive goods are compared to their era or home country.
“You may feel frustration and anger at your parents for trying to control you. But try to see if you can find a way to validate their feelings instead. It’ll make it easier for them to come around,” the user added.
Here are some tips on how to react if you get scolded by your parents:
Have an open mind, listen. This is a very hard thing to do, especially when your parents are reprimanding you for the smallest things. However, try to listen and understand where your parents are coming from. Why are they angry? If the reason isn’t clear to you, you should calmly ask them to explain it.
Explain your side. It is crucial to tell your parents your side of the story because they might not be aware of it. In the case of the student above, she needs to explain to her parents why she made such purchases in the first place.
Own up to your mistakes. If you realize that you’re at fault, don’t point fingers or try to make excuses; apologize to your parents.
Find solutions. Ask your parents how to handle similar circumstances in the future to avoid repeating the same mistake. If your parents scold you for buying new things, you can try to ask them for permission first before making the purchase. Or, as suggested by one Reddit user above, you can also start making your own money so your parents will no longer have much say in your future purchases.