Woman asks what to do if husband is ‘typical male chauvinist’ — controls, gaslights her, but takes care of her & children well

“What do I do if my partner doesn’t think he has a problem despite voicing it out to him?,” wrote one woman on the NUS Whispers Facebook page.

She describes her life with her husband’s controlling and condescending behaviour towards her as “a rollercoaster ride with all the ups and downs,” and added that she “really wish(es) for peace.”

Advice such as suggesting counselling would be futile, the woman added, since the man’s “belief is so cult-like it is impossible to talk sense into him and he truly believes he is a good husband/father.”

The woman described the man as “decent” when they first got together, but he has since changed. She gave examples such as commanding her, shutting her up when he’s focused on something while she needs to talk to him, putting her job down, gaslighting and scolding her.

“For eg, last night I wanted to brush my teeth first before helping my older son brush his teeth. Bt he scolded me and said that I have already spent very long showering/eating and I should help my older son first. 

Note: I wanted to brush my teeth so I can bring my younger son into the room so my helper is free to help my older son brush his teeth. It is just another 5 mins at most?”

However, she acknowledged that he is “not a complete jerk as he takes care of the family in his own ‘unique’ way,” and that he does provide for his family well.

“I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster ride with all the ups and downs and I really wish for peace. What should I do? Please do not ask me to talk sense into him or go for counselling. He doesn’t think he has an issue. He thinks everyone else is at fault,” she added.

Netizens told her that the biggest red flag is that her husband believes that nothing is ever his fault.

Some told her to “find another husband” and just leave the marriage.

Another said that if the man refuses to get counselling, the woman can get some help for herself.

One told her that if she wants to stay in the marriage, she needs to learn to shrug off his behaviour.

One warned her, however, that he’s “never going to change.”

/TISG

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