SINGAPORE: A 32-year-old man recently shared on social media that his siblings make him feel guilty whenever he skips the second day of their annual Chinese New Year family reunion.
On the r/askSingapore forum, he explained that as an “introverted person who gets overstimulated and tired easily,” these CNY gatherings have always been stressful for him.
“This hasn’t changed in the past 30 years, but I try my best to show up and be present. I come from a traditional Chinese family where all 3 days of CNY (eve, 1st, and 2nd day) are filled. It used to be up until the 3rd day, but in recent years has been reduced to just the 2nd,” he said.
“In the past couple of years, as I’ve aged, I’ve opted to stay home, usually on the 2nd day—but only when I’m really unwell mood-wise (I have depressive and anxiety episodes).”
Still, despite having a legitimate reason for missing the occasion, he said his siblings never cut him any slack. They allegedly always lectured him and told him “just how wrong he was for not fulfilling his familial obligations.”
“I’m so tired of feeling guilty about not enjoying what others do just because I was wired differently. I feel like I’m already trying my best to show up and be festive.”
“I don’t put on a black face or be sullen. I chit-chat, and I help with the lohei and food. I know it’s nothing big, but I didn’t ask to be made this way, whereby being around too many people just drains my energy. I feel immense guilt all the time and honestly wish I could be like others who 避年 (skip CNY by going overseas). But I know I’ll just feel guilty about it.”
Curious if others were in the same boat, he asked the local community on Reddit, “Anyone else have similar experiences? I know disliking CNY is quite common, but I would love to hear the same feelings about being guilted or lectured.”
“Learn to ignore. One ear in, one ear out.”
The post resonated with many users, prompting a number of them to share their own personal experiences.
One commenter wrote, “I know the feeling. I used to join family dinners. And while everybody is chatting, I’m sitting there using my phone alone. Like, why am I even here though??? Not like my presence makes a difference. Ever since, I stopped visiting regardless of how much I’m forced to go. Now that I have moved out, it’s even better. Nobody can force me to go except my wife.”
Another user shared, “I’m 23 years old, and this is my first year intentionally missing CNY! Honestly, I’m really tired from work and don’t want to spend whatever rest time I have miserably socialising with people I only see once a year.”
Meanwhile, others offered advice on how the post author could handle the situation in the future. One suggested, “Could you maybe tell them that you’ve made your own plans for day 2 and day 3, rather than that you ‘don’t feel like going’? Maybe they might take this more positively instead of thinking that you just aren’t participative.”
Another told him, “They’ve been guilt-tripping you, a very common tactic. You just have to overcome this. They won’t change, you can only change yourself—learn to ignore. One ear in, one ear out, and go about your day the way you want.”
In other news, concerns over limited opportunities for fresh graduates have resurfaced online after a 33-year-old local claimed that an increasing number of companies in Singapore are focusing mainly on hiring for senior positions, while offering fewer chances to young people entering the workforce.
“I have been seeing more and more issues of companies in SG wanting to hire only senior roles,” he said.
“Even the company I am working in is doing the same. This leads to many fresh graduates being unemployed and forced to work in fields (non-technical roles) they don’t specialise in. After years of working, they will never get hired for roles of their interest because they didn’t clock relevant work experience.”
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