We love abbreviations, but no SEX please!

Singaporeans love to come up with acronyms and other abbreviations — MOE, MRT, CBD, COE, O$P$ (Owe Money, Pay Money), SENTOSA (So Expensive and Nothing TO See Actually), etc.

I came across this one recently… CPF = Cash Prior to Funeral!

But there are OB markers. There is a security talk-fest in town over this weekend. It is known as the Shangri-La Dialogue, after the hotel venue where the event is held. But its official name is less known…

Yes, the name here is the Asia Security Summit. But have you heard anyone shorten it to ASS? Similarly, Ngee Ann Polytechnic’s official abbreviation is NP, not NAP. And a story went around once that Nanyang Technological University (NTU) was saved from ridicule when a high-level decision had to be made to stop the original proposal… Nanyang University of Technology!

Incidentally, have you noticed that the LTA is a spoilsport (and totally lacking in  humour) when it comes to the unrolling of the alphabet prefix for car number plates? What should have come after the SDA to SDZ series? The next series in fact “jumped the queue” — it was the SFA to SFZ series. That’s why you don’t see SEX on Singapore roads.

The Malaysian road authorities have no such anal retentiveness. I have seen Johor cars with JEW number plates. And Malacca cars with MAD plates.

Fortunately, the LTA excepted, other Singaporeans have a wicked sense of humour and we love to poke fun at this national obsession of ours. I found this online:

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Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers who are 40 years and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel, Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPEd and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.

Should you feel you are not receiving enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle

Management.

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The article first appeared ‘onthesannyside’