‘They are just becoming busy living their own life’: Singaporeans on growing apart from friends

SINGAPORE: Adulthood entails different responsibilities and priorities, and this might affect how we spend our time with our family and friends. On Reddit, a netizen shared that he has been reflecting on friendships and loneliness lately, and admitted that he still feels lonely when his relationship with his friends becomes quieter, as everyone becomes busy with their own lives.

“I also catch myself wondering how much effort I should put into maintaining friendships without feeling like I’m chasing people or overthinking every interaction… At the same time, I don’t want to become detached to protect myself,” the netizen further shared. 

With this, he asked how people usually deal with this. He added, “Do you eventually get more comfortable with friendships becoming less constant as you get older?”

Many netizens shared their thoughts, opinions, and own experiences in the comments section. One claimed that people should find friends that resonate with them, and that these relationships require consistency and effort to last. 

“I dealt with it by investing effort in friendships that are worth keeping, and cutting out the toxic folks out of my life,” a netizen admitted. 

Another comment declared: “Honestly, I think one of the hardest parts of adulthood is realising that nobody is necessarily “leaving” you. They are just becoming busy living their own life… You eventually learn that good friendships don’t always require constant maintenance. You just need enough mutual effort that neither person feels forgotten.” 

One more comment suggested that maybe it is time to find ways to better understand oneself, and start spending time with oneself as well. 

“I personally learned to be at peace with solitude and find my own way in life. I also seldom contact friends, and sometimes I would not meet up at all for years, like 15 years,” the comment remarked. 

“Relationships with friends gradually drift apart as people begin their career and subsequently have a family. Time and attention become more divided. Also, when common interests change, the frequency of hangouts may be reduced… It’s not that we became less social but rather there are fewer common topics, and we became more distant. I don’t have any direct answer on how to deal with this. But I’ve moved on and mixed with other circles,” a comment concluded. 

At the end of the day, the shift in adult friendships is not a sign of failure, but the result of changes in how people are dealing with their own lives.  It is important to remember that keeping these friendships close requires balancing the desire for closeness while accepting the demands of life. We must cherish quality over quantity, and find peace in companionship and solitude.