Singapore husband says wife still brings up past actions five years later, no intimacy since

SINGAPORE: An anonymous confession posted on the SGWhispers platform has sparked discussion online, after a 39-year-old married man shared that he is struggling with how to move forward after his wife is unable to let go of his past indiscretions.

In the post, the man revealed that he had been married for nearly a decade and admitted to frequenting massage parlours even after tying the knot. He said the habit began while he was working overseas and developed into an addiction that continued intermittently during his marriage.

While he clarified that there was no intercourse involved, he acknowledged that seeking “special services” was wrong and left him feeling guilty.

His actions came to light four years into the marriage when his wife discovered his visits. She left the family home with their child and filed for divorce but eventually decided to stay with him for the sake of their child.

Five years on from that episode, the man said the consequences of his actions still continue to shape their relationship. He said his wife still brings up the incident and expresses her anger and inability to forgive. He added that despite efforts to rebuild the marriage, tensions remain and the man said there has not been even “a tiny bit of intimacy” since the reconciliation.

He asserted that he has stopped visiting such establishments and has tried to be transparent with his wife, but remains unsure how to move forward, saying, “Just feeling regret and guilt and wish things to be better. Just not sure how to move forward.”

The post drew a range of responses from readers, many of whom said they understand how the man’s wife feels.

One commenter wrote bluntly: “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.”

Another netizen struck a more empathetic tone, noting that rebuilding trust is often a long and uncertain process. “It’s not easy to rebuild trust once it’s broken. It may take years for her to come to terms with everything, or she may never fully do so. She is staying for your child, and honestly, I can understand how she feels,” she said.

Others offered suggestions. One encouraged continued efforts at reconciliation, including openness and possibly further counselling. “There must be ways to work trust back before anything happens… penance leads to healing,” he wrote.

Some comments challenged the man to consider his wife’s perspective more directly. A Facebook user asked whether he would be able to forgive his wife if their roles were reversed, while netizen Lee Lee quipped: “Play with fire… you get burned. Live with it.”