Mum didn’t pay a cent for her daughter’s education, now she wants $500 a month, ‘Is that fair?’ Singaporean asks

SINGAPORE: A young professional who is just a few months into a full-time job is faced with a difficult situation. She is undecided whether to continue her financial responsibilities to her family or start building her own future.

She shared her experience online, explaining that she never got financial support from her mother while growing up. By taking part-time jobs, she was able to spend on her food, transportation, and education at the polytechnic and university. All her schooling costs came from her own savings, not from her family.

Now, as she starts her career with a monthly salary of S$4,000, her mother has asked her for S$500 each month. The young woman feels uncertain about this request.

She admits, “If she had supported my education, I would feel differently and see it as paying her back. But since she didn’t, I don’t think I’m being unfilial for thinking about my future too.”

Her post triggered many responses from netizens.

Some pondered, “Is it normal for parents to see their children as piggy banks? Children should contribute reasonably, treating it like rent, but if parents can afford their own expenses, why ask their children for money?”

Others were more emotional, saying, “Parents should give without expecting anything in return, while children should naturally reciprocate. If that unconditional support is missing, don’t hesitate to create distance.”

Another commenter recognised the pressure but suggested a practical approach: “She’s taking advantage of filial piety, but it’s probably best to avoid a confrontation now. Think of the S$500 as low rent for the moment. When you are financially independent and have your own space, you can choose the relationship you want.”

Financial advice was also offered: “You’re not wrong for wanting to give only when you’re ready. It’s good that you’re saving and planning for your future. If you decide to help, it doesn’t have to be the full S$500. Consider regaining control of your joint accounts, and maybe invest that money in something like Treasury bills to grow your savings.”

A practical perspective reminded her to consider costs carefully: “Forget emotional expectations and think logically. How much would it cost to move out and live independently? Factor in rent, food, and lifestyle changes. Sometimes paying your mother rent might be cheaper than moving out, especially if you have cooking and other conveniences included. If you can, negotiate the amount—it could be a win-win.”

This story resonates strongly because it touches on universal themes: the complicated balance between family loyalty, personal ambition, and financial independence.

For those facing similar issues, the message is clear – give priority to your financial security, initiate candid communication. Don’t forget that providing support to your family doesn’t mean giving up your future. Now and then, the nicest thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to set limitations and plan prudently.