SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man recently took to Reddit to share his thoughts on why so many men are struggling with dating these days. According to him, the problem isn’t women or their supposedly “unrealistic standards”, but men’s low self-esteem.
Posting on the r/sgdatingscene forum on Tuesday (Nov 4), the man said he’s noticed that a lot of guys are quick to point fingers at women, claiming they only go for rich or good-looking men, but to him, that’s just an excuse people use to avoid looking inward.
He argued that if high standards were truly the issue, then average-looking men wouldn’t be happily dating or married to amazing women.
“I know, it’s easier to say, ‘women only want good-looking or rich guys,’ but let’s be honest…how many average guys have you seen with amazing women? Plenty,” he said. “And their secret isn’t money. It isn’t style. It’s how they see themselves.”
The man went on to explain that women can easily sense insecurity in men, often within moments of meeting them.
“A man who doesn’t like himself—you can spot him right away. He apologises for existing. He talks like he’s asking for permission to be there, and a woman can feel that in five seconds.”
“You can dress well, read every dating book on the planet… but if you haven’t worked on your self-esteem, you’re going nowhere.”
The man also shared that improving self-confidence doesn’t require a complete personality overhaul, just small, consistent changes.
“You don’t need to become someone else to fix that. Start simple: stand tall, look people in the eyes, and say what you think, without trying to please. Little by little, you’ll straighten up from the inside. And that inner posture…that’s what makes you attractive. Not your bank account.”
“Emotional stability, I think, is at the top of the hierarchy.”
In the comments, several Redditors agreed with his point, saying they had personally experienced the same thing in their own dating lives.
One shared, “My wife is a kajillion times better looking than me. So much so that cashiers would often put up the little divider on the conveyor at the grocery store, assuming that I’m not with her, lol.”
“But she told me when she met me that she liked that I was both nice, AND had an ‘edge’ to me (I could be a sarcastic bugger when I wanted to be), and she liked my confidence. She still says that THAT’s what she finds attractive in men. I promise you, it’s ambition and confidence that they like.”
Another added, “This is excellent advice. I’ll add to it. Practice — and I mean practice — looking yourself in the mirror and saying three nice things about yourself and meaning them. Yeah, it feels stupid as hell at first, but once you start to believe what you’re saying, that’s when the magic happens.”
Others, however, disagreed and pointed out that while confidence is an attractive trait in men, it isn’t the most important one. To them, emotional intelligence or stability matters more.
One wrote, “Emotional stability. Self-esteem is definitely a thing worth having, but emotional stability, I think, is at the top of the hierarchy.”
Another commented, “You can have confidence, but if you’re emotionally all over the place, people pick up on that instability real quick. That grounded energy matters more than anything.”
In other news, a local university student who will be graduating in 2026 shared on social media that she has already started applying for jobs, and to her surprise, she received a permanent offer paying S$4,500 a month, with an average bonus of one to two months.
However, in a post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she admitted that she has been having second thoughts about accepting the offer because her friends and parents keep telling her that she “should aim higher.” According to them, someone with her background should at least be looking at a starting salary of S$5,000.
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