Maid says, ‘Employers who take our phones away affect us deeply, as it’s the only way we stay connected to our loved ones back home’

SINGAPORE: Dear employers, imagine working 12 hours straight, away from your loved ones, only to be told: “No phone until bedtime.” That’s the heartbreak behind one helper’s emotional post that struck a chord — and a nerve — in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group.

“I want to speak up for many of us who stay silent,” the post began, polite but firm. “We may be domestic workers, but we are also human beings — with feelings, families, dreams, and the same need for respect and dignity as anyone else.”

At the heart of the post was a simple plea: “Limiting our phone use or taking our phones away affects us deeply.” For many helpers, their phones aren’t just devices — they’re their only connection to the families they left behind in search of better lives.

“It gives us peace and comfort to simply talk to our families or have a moment for ourselves,” she wrote. “Trust and respect should be the foundation between employer and helper.”

And yet — as the comments section quickly revealed — trust, in this case, is a battlefield.

“When trust is given, it’s burned, literally!”

One employer recounted a TikTok-fuelled disaster of flaming proportions.

“She would keep sleeping even while cooking,” the group member wrote. “Burnt the food, burnt the pan, and even the backsplash. I had to change the whole kitchen backsplash!”

The employer had also tried to be generous: “Raised her salary from S$650 to S$900 in 3 months. Gave her freedom. What did I get in return? TikTok live till 5 am and sneaking out for prostitution.”

Another employer’s comment sounded more like the plot of a hidden camera sitcom — only it wasn’t funny.

“I went to the toilet to pee, taking off my pants, and there it was — my helper doing a group video call in the toilet. Camera facing me. A whole group of helpers saw me half-naked.”

The phone was promptly confiscated. “You tell me — how to trust?”

“Phone use during working hours is dangerous, especially when it involves babies or the elderly…”

One employer gently chimed in: “We understand the need to stay connected to family. But excessive or distracted phone use during working hours is dangerous, especially when it involves babies or the elderly.”

Another employer echoed the point: “We don’t ban phones. We just ask for them to be used during breaks, not while the baby’s bathing or when cooking.”

Still, not everyone was in the mood for diplomacy.

“Aiya. Don’t come and BS! What ‘trust’ la?” one employer snapped. “One hand feeding baby, one hand doing video call? How to trust?”

“Even in an office, there are rules. When you’re paid to do a job, TikTok isn’t part of the job scope…”

The debate boiled down to one question: Is limiting phone use a necessary rule or a dehumanising punishment?

A helper who commented in support of the original post said, “I listen to YouTube and chat with family while working. I use Bluetooth, so no distractions. I still do my chores.”

Another added, “I fetch the kids to school. I don’t bring my phone. I’m not addicted. Not all helpers abuse phone usage.”

But employers weren’t buying the “not all helpers” defence.

“You want trust/freedom? Earn it!” one said. “Even in an office, there are rules. When you’re paid to do a job, TikTok isn’t part of the job scope.”

One employer even cited the TikTok app itself as Exhibit A: “Go on TikTok Live. Out of 20 streams, 17 are helpers. Majority, not minority.”

“Yes, there are bad apples, but there are many responsible helpers too…”

Buried under the angry exchanges and bad experiences was a quiet, thoughtful comment from a long-time employer:

“I’ve never imposed strict rules. My helper uses her phone during lunch and at night. If she abuses it, we’ll talk. It’s about balance.”

Another said, “Yes, there are bad apples, but there are many responsible helpers too. Let’s not forget, some of us also had to work hard to gain our bosses’ trust. Helpers deserve the same opportunity.”

And perhaps that’s the point. Respect and trust go both ways. No one is entitled to it, but everyone can earn it.

“A voice for all helpers…”

“Please be kind. Please lead with empathy. A little freedom means so much to us. No hate, just love,” the original post writer wrote out her final plea.

While employers are clearly not looking to be extras in TikTok skits or surprise cameos in toilet video calls, maybe there’s room for nuance: a phone-free kitchen, sure — but with a phone-available heart.

Because sometimes, all someone needs after a hard day’s work… is just to hear their child’s or family’s voice.

In other news, one helper took the conversation a step further, flipping the narrative with this question: “Dear employer, how do you just lie on the sofa every day holding your mobile phone? Do you realise that servants are also human and feel tired?”

Fair play or double standards? You decide. Read the full story over here: Maid asks, ‘Dear employer, how do you just lie on the sofa every day holding your mobile phone? Do you realize that servants are also human and feel tired?’