Intern struggles to say no as boss keeps inviting them to S$11-S$17 lunches daily: ‘How do I tell her I don’t want to eat lunch with her?’

SINGAPORE: Saying no to your boss is already awkward, but doing it as an intern who is still trying to make a good impression can feel almost impossible. 

One intern is currently stuck in exactly that situation, unsure how to turn down a supervisor who keeps inviting them to lunch every single day.

In a post on a local forum, the intern shared that their supervisor has made it a daily habit to ask them to join lunches with the full-time staff in their section. While it might seem friendly on the surface, the intern admitted they feel pressured to say yes each time, even when they would rather not.

It gets trickier because there are other interns in the company, just not in the same department. The intern said those peers have tried to make lunch plans a few times, but those plans almost never happen. 

“They’re from another section, and they have asked me to go for lunch a few times, but I get snatched up by my supervisor.”

Then there is the cost, which has become a real issue. Meals with fellow interns at the company canteen usually cost around S$5 to S$7. Lunches with the supervisor and full-timers, however, tend to land somewhere between S$11 and S$17. 

“I’m obviously getting paid peanuts, so I would prefer lunch that’s not S$11-17 (yes, my lunch the previous days has been at this price).”

Unsure how to turn down their supervisor without coming across as ungrateful or, worse, difficult, they asked, “How do I, as an intern, tell my supervisor I don’t want to eat lunch with her? I’ve never had an office job, so I don’t know if it’s rude to tell my supervisor I want to eat with other people.”

“Smile and say you have plans.”

The post has since received more than 90 responses on the forum, with many reassuring the intern that it’s perfectly okay to turn down the lunch invitation as long as it’s done politely.

One said, “Need EQ here. Thank her for the opportunity and kindness in thinking of including you, but your intern pay is little, and you are SAVING it for xxxx, so you set a budget of xxx. Any decent FT supervisor must and will understand this. May even pay for you or choose a more affordable venue IF she has good intentions to invite you. And she will appreciate your honesty.”

Another wrote, “Smile and say you have plans. She probably just wants to be inclusive and make sure you’re not being left out.”

Additionally, others suggested that the intern not wait for their supervisor to extend an invitation, and instead take a more proactive approach by mentioning it early in the day.

One wrote, “Don’t wait for her to ask you first. It would probably feel less of a rejection if you mentioned to her that you had plans that day for lunch before she actually asked you out for lunch. Say it like in passing when you see her in the morning, like, ‘Oh yeah, and I won’t be able to join you for lunch today because I’ll be meeting with xxx for lunch.’”

Another added, “Just tell her you’re eating with other interns. Maybe she doesn’t want you to feel left out. Don’t worry too much about it and just let her know. For any other days, you can just let her know you’re trying to stick to your budget.”

In other news, a man said he found it “weird” when his girlfriend asked him to pay for every meal whenever they went out together.

In a recent post shared on the r/asksg forum, he explained that he is a fresh graduate who has only just started work, earning about S$4,000 a month after CPF. He also brings in an additional S$2,000 on weekends by helping out in a relative’s business.

Read more: Man earning S$6k feels ‘weirded out’ by girlfriend’s demand that he pay for all meal expenses