‘If I resign, we might lose the roof over our heads’: Singaporean mum caught between exhaustion and the need to provide

SINGAPORE: In the depths of a current Reddit thread, an honest post from a first-time mother resonated with many. In her mid-20s, she’s crisscrossing the pressures of full-time work while taking care of her 9-month-old baby. And right now, she’s barely hanging on.

Simply thinking about juggling a career and the rigid pace of motherhood has left her emotionally exhausted. She admits, her mental health is deteriorating. The thought of leaving her job has crossed her mind often, but the stakes are just too high.

Her family is scheduled to get the keys to their Build-To-Order (BTO) flat next year, and under the long-standing HDB Loan Eligibility (HLE) structure, having employment is vital to safeguarding the loan. Resigning would mean putting at risk not just her professional path, but also that “roof over their heads.”

She’s been vigorously searching for a job, hoping for a softer mooring, but the prospects are not that good in the current market. While her job permits her to work from home three times every week — a bonus in present-day work culture — it doesn’t mitigate the mental anguish.

To make things worse, she recently returned from maternity leave, only to be told she’s taken “too much” of her annual leave, about 18 days over six months.

“Apparently, just because we have annual leave doesn’t mean we have to clear it all,” she shared in the thread. The subtle reprimand left her even more deflated.

Trapped in the typical clash of contemporary working motherhood, she turned to the Reddit community for some guidance, and possibly, for some direction. The responses were a combination of tough love, financial practicality, and emotional sustenance.

“Don’t resign… make them fire you.”

One comment took a calculated slant: “Don’t resign (unless you find another job). That’s what they want, for you to make it easy for them… Make them fire you if they have to. They can’t fire you for using up your annual leave early.” The user continued to recommend that she set boundaries: “Refuse to OT. Just say you have other obligations now as a mother. Buy yourself time. Fulfil what’s needed for your BTO.”

“Your health matters more than anything.”

Others focused on the personal cost of burnout. One user wrote: “If one day you are down, that’s it—your family loses you. A company can find a replacement. A family can get another BTO. But your family can’t get another you.”

“Speak to your husband first.”

At that point, there were also voices of caution. “There needs to be a consensus if you quit,” one said, pointing out the financial implications of a single-income household. “It’s trading one form of stress for another. Once the elation of quitting wears off, you might panic. Ultimately, it depends on your finances—how long can you tank being jobless?”

This user’s post exposed a quiet but pressing truth: many young mothers are trapped in a system that isn’t planned with them in mind. The emotional toll of childrearing and being a wife at the same time, matched with uncompromising job requirements and inflexible housing guidelines, can become an excruciating burden.

Her story isn’t unique, but it is incredibly real. For the moment, she’s still determining whether to stick it out for the sake of financial stability or jump out in favour of her sanity.

If it were your life, your call — what would you do?