SINGAPORE: A woman recently took to social media to share that her boyfriend has changed a lot since he joined the army.
Posting on r/NationalServiceSG, a Reddit forum, on Wednesday (October 23), she mentioned that before her boyfriend enlisted in the army, they made promises to each other to communicate no matter what. They both understood that joining the military could put a strain on their relationship, so they wanted to make sure they could stay connected and support one another through any challenges that might arise.
At first, they were committed to this promise, regularly checking in with each other and sharing updates about their lives.
“I felt like we were going on strong, then later on he POP (Passing Out Parade) and got posted to SCS (Specialist Cadet School) then he said he wanted to downgrade his PES (Physical Employment Standard) because he was afraid of some activities. So he wanted to get out of SCS,” she wrote.
“Then I encouraged him not to because it’s not very nice to have the mentality of just running away from your problems, you know. So I told him he should give it a few more weeks, but he didn’t listen to me, so I just kept quiet and supported his decision since its not my life anyway; its his to decide.”
However, things took a turn after he went “out of course” and started having more free time. Instead of maintaining their communication as before, he began ignoring her messages.
“He’s like so free now.. always playing Mobile Legends: Bang Bang (MLBB) in camp and whatnot. So basically now whenever I text him, like starting and continuing a convo, he always either gives me one-word replies or leaves me on read,” she expressed.
“Then like, I try to be understanding, but I go on ML and I see him online; he played 6 games eh and he still say he’s busy cannot text me???”
The woman expressed her frustration, stating that it was hard to understand how he could find time for gaming but couldn’t even send her a quick update. Whenever she addressed the issue, he would get defensive, accusing her of making a big deal out of nothing.
He often claimed he was tired, but she noted that his work mostly consisted of admin tasks. “Am I just not understanding enough, or what am I doing wrong???? What is happening?” she asked.
“It’s possible that the environment in there is just not good.”
In the comments section, several Singaporean Redditors suggested that she try having an open and honest conversation with her boyfriend about her feelings, urging her to express her concerns without sounding accusatory.
One Redditor added, “Talk to him in person, ask him what’s wrong, get him gifts that are going to remind him of you and are useful for him during NS, maybe even video call or voice call with him, and play some games together.”
Another commented, “Maybe write all of your concerns down and gather your thoughts, then meet up with him physically to tell him about them? Sometimes guys are so good at bottling emotions up that they don’t even know its happening.
Ultimately, this is the type of obstacle that any successful relationship should be able to navigate. Ignoring/putting it aside will only make it worse.”
Others pointed out that changes in behaviour after joining the army can often stem from the stress and pressures of military training. They encouraged her to consider the possibility that he might be struggling with the demands of his new environment and could be retreating into gaming as a coping mechanism.
One Redditor explained, “Ask him if everything is okay in camp. Just because he’s doing admin work and seems to have a ton of free time doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s actually free or that all is well in the office.
“It’s possible that the environment in there is just not good (bad superiors, toxicity, etc) and what this is right now is a result of him dealing with it in an unhealthy way.”
Another remarked, “Could be stressful and playing games is his way of destressing. Have you talked to him about the lack of clear communication? Tell him his responses like 1 word or K isn’t nice.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)