‘I don’t see a future’: SG woman frustrated as 31 y/o BF quits ‘high-paying job’ last year and remains jobless

SINGAPORE: One year after her boyfriend quit his high-paying job, a 25-year-old woman is no longer sure she wants to sit around waiting for his career to get back on track.

Writing on r/asksg on Monday (Aug 10), she explained that her 31-year-old boyfriend had “recklessly” resigned without having another job lined up. At first, she tried to give him time to figure things out, but as the months dragged on without a steady income, she began to worry and eventually pushed him to start job hunting.

He did try, she said, but failed to land a job, partly due to the “horrible job market.” With a regular salary still out of reach, she suggested he try his hand at starting a business instead.

“I pushed him to start this business and source suppliers, etc., as soon as possible because he can’t be living without an income. It’s gaining slight traction now, but still not enough income. Throughout this past year, I had so much anxiety dealing with his joblessness while I had to handle the gruelling demands of my own job.”

The woman also stressed that her concerns were not about wanting her boyfriend to pay for her lifestyle. Financially, her monthly salary is roughly twice of what his boyfriend used to earn in his previous job.

“I don’t expect him to spend much money on me, and I actually deliberately save/downgrade my lifestyle because I don’t want him to feel financially pressured. So I’m not asking him for expensive dates, gifts, or some luxurious lifestyle.”

“I can also sustain myself, but I just don’t see a future with someone with such volatile income and sometimes a lack of drive. I feel like I’m the one driving him despite being 6 years younger than him.”

Other things that bothered her

Aside from the financial uncertainty, the woman said her boyfriend’s behaviour in other parts of their relationship has also been driving her up the wall.

According to her, her boyfriend shows little respect for her time, with the latest incident involving him failing to tell her he would be late for their 1:30 pm meetup. She is also frustrated that he rarely posts her on social media and has hardly ever complimented her.

“He even told me that he did not find me pretty at first sight—at the same time, he’s generous with his compliments to other girls.” 

“For context, I am by no means ugly—I’ve gone to a plastic surgery clinic before for a consultation for fun, and even the plastic surgeon said I’m pretty as is and don’t need any surgeries (sorry, kinda cringe typing here LOL, but I just want to say I’m really not ugly).”

She said he had his good sides too

Despite being deeply frustrated with her boyfriend, the woman acknowledged that he had also shown her plenty of care and affection during their relationship.

She recalled that he had pursued her persistently when they first met and had initially made her feel like a priority. At the time, she said, he would regularly make an effort to spend time with her and go out of his way to make her feel cared for.

“He came to my house several times a week, bought food for me, spent a lot of time with me and sent me home when we went out,” she said.

He had also paid for a trip to Phuket with her and surprised her with a Kate Spade bag and jewellery. She added that he had even paid for her to get her hair permed.

“He does genuinely care about me and does nice things for me,” she wrote. “I know he isn’t a horrible boyfriend.”

Torn over whether she should continue the relationship or walk away, she turned to fellow Singaporeans for advice.

“Should I stay with my boyfriend or am I wasting my time?”

“Have a good talk with him”

Under her post, commenters urged the woman to leave her boyfriend.

One commenter wrote, “31 years old with no job, no money, no time management skills, and no respect for your time who apparently doesn’t even find you pretty. You’re staying with him for what?”

Another warned her not to be too caught up in the effort her boyfriend had shown while courting her.

“Sounds like he put in effort to get what he wanted, then can relax let loose liao. This is his true nature, not that during the chasing phase.”

A third suggested that she look at the situation from another perspective.

“Simple question. If your daughter tells you this same story about his boyfriend, what would you say? If you feel she is worth someone better, you got your answer. Stop finding excuses. He’s not worth it.”

A fourth added, “Seems like he’s an unreliable person and doesn’t respect you as a partner. Imagine marrying him and him forgetting about the wedding because he’s still at the bachelor party!”

Despite the largely negative reaction to her boyfriend, a few users felt she should talk things through with him before deciding whether to leave.

“Have a good talk with him. Sit him down and tell him how you felt disrespected for your time/social media. If he continues to repeat his actions, it’s time to leave unless you are willing to compromise,” one said.

In other news, a fresh graduate aired his frustration online after landing a procurement role at a local company that offered him a monthly salary of S$3,500, saying the pay felt like “a mockery” of everything he had worked for.

In a post on Reddit’s r/asksg forum, the individual explained that getting to this stage had been anything but easy.

Read more: ‘A mockery of my degree’: Fresh graduate says S$3.5k job offer is ‘borderline embarrassing’