Singaporean man’s expectation that future in-laws help buy S$3.5m condo draws criticism

SINGAPORE: Netizens are advising a foreign woman to run after she asked online whether her Singaporean fiancé and his family were being reasonable in expecting her parents to contribute up to half the cost of a multimillion-dollar condominium in Singapore before the couple gets married.

Her post was reshared on the Singapore Uncensored Facebook page, sparking renewed interest.

The woman, who said she is in her late 20s and of South Korean descent, explained that she met her Singaporean fiancé, who is in his early 30s, while both were living in the United States. The couple plans to marry in Singapore and relocate there next year, citing lower taxes and family considerations as reasons for the move.

She wrote that she is unemployed but supports herself through rental income from an investment property in the United States, earning about US$4,000 a month, while her fiancé earns around US$20,000 monthly.

She added she has not worked for the past one-and-a-half years due to personal difficulties, a lack of opportunities and what she described as poor planning on her part. She added that part of the reason why she hasn’t been able to work is the depression she is suffering after she and her fiancé went through an abortion.

During the last three months, she has been focused on organising their upcoming wedding.

The disagreement began when discussions turned to purchasing a home in Singapore. The woman said her fiancé and his family want the couple to live in the same central neighbourhood as his parents, given the location’s convenience, investment potential and the prospect of easier childcare support from grandparents in the future.

She said her fiancé was considering a condominium priced between S$3 million and S$3.5 million and insisted on an exact 50-50 split between both sides of the family. As the couple do not currently have sufficient savings, he wanted her to seek financial assistance from her parents.

However, she explained that transferring large sums of money out of her home country would be difficult and subject to significant taxes. While her maternal grandparents are relatively wealthy, she said her parents are in the early stages of building a new business and she does not want to burden them financially.

According to the woman, her parents were surprised by the request and believed that housing arrangements in Singapore would be largely handled by her fiancé’s side, particularly since she is relocating to a foreign country to be with him and his family.

She said her fiancé maintained that a 50-50 contribution from both families was “standard practice” in Singapore. If her parents were unable or unwilling to contribute, he reportedly said he would refuse assistance from his own parents as well and instead purchase a smaller home farther from the city centre using his salary and a mortgage.

The woman added that her fiancé also expected her parents to continue supporting her financially during their marriage, or alternatively, for her to secure a high-paying job so that she could accumulate savings for future children. This came despite earlier discussions between the couple about her becoming a dedicated stay-at-home mother after they started a family.

What troubled her most was a remark from her fiancé that she “does nothing of value” because her contributions do not directly generate income.

“He says that I do nothing of value (as it doesn’t translate to $) and this makes me question him as a partner in life,” she wrote.

In a later update, the woman revealed that she had spoken directly with her future father-in-law, whom she described as someone who had supported her emotionally through difficult periods and whom she already considers family.

She said her future father-in-law described a S$3 million to S$3.5 million condominium as both affordable and reasonable and reiterated that parental assistance for a first home is common in Singapore. He reportedly rejected her suggestion of purchasing a Housing and Development Board flat or living outside the central region.

According to the woman, her future father-in-law said his family had already made financial preparations to purchase a central-area condominium. However, he also maintained that her family should contribute as much as possible, ideally around half of the cost, with his side covering the remainder if necessary.

The situation became more uncomfortable, she said, when both her fiancé and his father began speculating about her family’s finances.

She claimed they believed her family was wealthier than she had ever said and suggested that her father must have access to hidden funds or inheritance money that could easily cover a gift of between S$1.5 million and S$1.75 million.

The woman disputed this characterisation, explaining that her father is an academic while her mother has spent most of her life as a stay-at-home mother. Although her maternal grandparents are financially comfortable, she said her parents lead relatively simple lives and that raising such a large sum would be difficult.

She said she felt increasingly guilty about repeatedly asking her parents for money after the sacrifices they had already made throughout her upbringing.

The post drew a strong reaction from commenters, many of whom rejected the claim that a 50-50 parental contribution is standard practice in Singapore.

One commenter wrote that if a partner was already “calculating every cent before marriage” despite earning a good income, it was worth reconsidering the relationship. The commenter argued that a healthy marriage should focus on building a future together based on what a couple can realistically afford, rather than on what their parents can provide.

Another person was even more blunt, saying the fiancé appeared to be looking for “a housemate” to share mortgage payments, a cleaner, babysitter and sexual partner rather than an equal life partner.

Several commenters objected to the involvement of the future father-in-law, with one describing his demands as “way out of line”.

“Whatever dwelling you and your future husband is going to buy is between the 2 of you,” the commenter wrote, arguing that any financial support from parents should be voluntary rather than expected.

Others shared personal experiences to dispute the notion that equal parental contributions are the norm. One woman who said she had married a Singaporean wrote that her husband had paid for 90 per cent of their condominium and that neither side had sought financial assistance from their parents.

A number of commenters also questioned whether the issue was really about cultural differences at all. “I am Singaporean and lived in the USA for over 20 years, this isn’t about cultural differences. RED FLAG,” one person commented.

Another commenter wrote that the fiancé and his family seemed “more interested in your family finances than the actual marriage”.

Many expressed concern about the future dynamics of the relationship, particularly the influence of the future in-laws and the expectation that the woman should pressure her parents for money.

“A marriage should be a partnership where both spouses make decisions together and support each other,” one commenter wrote. “It shouldn’t be imposed as a fixed rule or expectation.”

Others urged the woman to reconsider the marriage entirely, warning that if money had already become such a major source of conflict before the wedding, larger disagreements could emerge later.

One commenter suggested a simple test: tell the fiancé and his family that her parents are unable to contribute and observe their reaction. “Their response will tell you a lot,” the commenter wrote.

Another commenter quipped, “Tell him to carry your future pregnancy for 5 months and you can carry the baby for another 5. That’s just the standard practice in Singapore, 50:50.”