Man says Singapore’s work culture pushed him to stop dating: ‘Everyday I work 11-12 hours a day’

SINGAPORE: Is Singapore’s brutal work culture quietly killing people’s desire to date, settle down, and start families?

One man certainly thinks so.

In a recent Reddit post, the man opened up about how his toxic workplace has completely drained him, to the point where romance now feels less like an exciting possibility and more like an extra unpaid shift he simply cannot afford to take on.

Posting on an online forum, he shared that he works around “11 to 12 hours” every single day. “Every night I go back exhausted, wake up exhausted,” he wrote, adding that he has slowly lost interest in his “hobbies, personal goals, and even self-improvement.” 

He also admitted that he no longer feels “hopeful about the future.”

To make matters worse, he said his boss has made the environment even more unbearable by constantly targeting the single employees in the office. 

“My passive-aggressive boss loves gaslighting me and taking out his marriage and kid frustration on me because I am single and unwed. Colleagues without kids also get the same treatment.”

The man then joked that he might as well just continue living with his parents and “be a leech forever,” suggesting he has more or less given up on the traditional milestones people are expected to pursue.

“The prospect of owning a 2-room BTO and then downgrading to a S$2-3k/month job that stops once you leave becomes more appealing every day,” he wrote. “No need to worry about a job, no need to worry about not being good enough for your partner.”

“Start applying for jobs.”

In the comments section, several Singaporeans said they could relate to his experience, with several admitting that work had consumed so much of their lives that relationships, friendships, and even their mental health ended up taking a backseat.

One individual shared, “I gave up on dating, friends, hobbies and family at the first few years of my career. Everyday work, OT, too tired to do anything, then just go home and rest. Got depressed.”

The commenter added that because work became the centre of their entire life, every office conflict and performance review started affecting them deeply.

“Some days, I just cry because my performance at work was heavily judged randomly. Just want to tell you that work is not everything; we are all replaceable at work…Remember to try to live for yourself instead of working so hard to build the company’s future.”

Another commenter said that after going through a painful breakup, they buried themselves in work and overtime for years, only to unexpectedly end up marrying someone from the office.

“Your work environment sounds rough, and perhaps it’s time to start looking to switch jobs,” they added.

Others, however, argued that being busy does not automatically mean relationships are impossible.

One said, “I work up to 16 hours daily at times, but I still can have a relationship. It’s all about the energy you give her. If you can handle her and don’t show you’re tired, she will love you and wait to see you even if it is just for an hour.” 

“If you work 6 hours a day but don’t have time to see her, then it is a problem. If your job is the problem, then it’s time to look into changing jobs.”

Another advised, “Hugs, I say negative energy companies are not worth it. Start applying for jobs and then leave and find some balance. We are social beings who need to feel love/care/belonging from beings.”

“If your environment of being drains you, you need to learn to protect yourself from emotional burdens so that the negativity doesn’t eat you, but it’s better to find a place where there’s positive energy.”

In other news, a frustrated man took to Reddit to share that his mum constantly demanded money from him the moment he became an adult and started working full-time.

In a post titled “Life is too tiring” on the r/asksg subreddit, he said his mum kept “hounding” him to give her money and even asked him to “pay her back for all the food” she bought for him when he was growing up.

Read more: ‘I had to pay her back for food’: Son says mum constantly demanded money after he became an adult