‘Care for my grandson’: Mother allegedly puts pressure on son-in-law to let his wife be a full-time housewife

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean took to social media on Thursday (Mar 20) to ask if others  know of instances where older people still put pressure on younger Singaporean families to opt for a single income setup—with only one partner working and the other staying home to raise the children.

“I just heard that my mother-in-law is putting pressure on my brother-in-law to let her daughter (my late wife’s elder sister) stay at home and be a full-time housewife and care for her grandson,” the writer shared. “If not, she will ask her daughter to divorce him. The brother-in-law says to just go ahead.”

The writer shared that his brother-in-law earns between S$6k and S$7k a month and his wife’s income is also needed to sustain their family. However, his mother-in-law believes his brother-i-law’s  salary is enough, which is the opposite of what he believes. Calling the pressure she is putting on her son-in-law “cruel,” he turned to Singaporeans for insights.

Some people shared their own similar experiences or those of close friends, while others called out the mentality of the mother-in-law. “Let the wife make her own decision,” one pointed out, making the case for the wife. “Not the mother or the husband. I would also like to point out that not having work in the traditional sense of the word, a.k.a. having a career, does not make a woman less valuable or ‘old fashioned’; it is equally hypocritical to deem career-driven as modern as it is to deem a homemaker old fashioned. Many women are able to get jobs and contribute financially without stepping out of the home and at the same time doing everything for the family in the non-financial sense. Let’s give her more credit than that.”

Another brought up the disadvantage of a single-income setup. “You’re giving up a lot when you go single income,” he wrote, mentioning opportunities for the children, ranging from education, quality of life, and even access to healthcare. “I get that kids benefit more from parents having a more constant presence in their lives, but the opportunity costs for a housewife is far too much.” He argued that such a setup would put a significant amount of pressure on the husband to earn an income that covers what his wife would have been making.

Dual-income vs single-income: The pros and cons 

According to Smile Tutor, both dual-income and single-income family setups come with their advantages and disadvantages.

Dual-income families benefit from greater financial stability and spending power. Both parents share financial responsibility while also pursuing their career fulfilment. However, this setup can come with challenges, such as increased stress, strain on the relationship due to limited quality time, and reduced parental presence during work hours. It also often requires a greater reliance on childcare.

On the other hand, single-income families allow for more parent-child bonding, lower childcare expenses, and a clearer division of labour—where one parent focuses on earning while the other handles household responsibilities. However, this arrangement has its drawbacks, including financial vulnerability, limited career growth (and possibly personal fulfilment) for the stay-at-home parent, and a more restricted income.

Ultimately, both setups have their trade-offs. Couples should carefully weigh the pros and cons of each arrangement and choose what best suits their family dynamic. Regardless of the setup, clear, open, and honest communication is key to making it work successfully.

See also: $105k reno? Singaporeans share how much their home reno cost

Featured image by Freepik/Lifestylememory (for illustration purposes only)