Man says his wife only thinks of “good places to eat and travel” while he worked tirelessly as the sole breadwinner

SINGAPORE: Tired of being the sole breadwinner of their household, a man took to social media to express his frustration with his wife’s behaviour.

In his post on r/askSingapore on Monday (April 1), the man lamented, “Don’t think I can breathe anymore, here I am trying to upskill spend time on improving, on the other hand, she is thinking of good place to eat and travel.

With this economy, and having more than 2 mouths to feed, [her] not earning [is] still ok, but wanting to go overseas due to social media, or aka “family time,” is really the last straw.”

“No amount of logical discussion is able to put sense into her head, seems like she is happy with government vouchers and always think I will have a job forever.”

Moreover, the man shared that despite taking his whole family out for good food every now and then, his wife never ran out of “requests.”

“Seems like only way is to make her happy, at the expense of my fulfilment.”

He also speculated that the difficulties of being a ‘stay-at-home’ mom may have had an impact on her, citing ‘constant scrolling through TikTok/Instagram’ and ‘managing a crying baby’ as examples of factors that could have negatively influenced her mental health and behaviour.

He then said that perhaps the only way for her to truly learn and wake up to reality is to slowly slide into poverty and hardship.

In the latter part of his post, he reflected on his experience with parenthood, highlighting how emotionally taxing it is.

He expressed, “It’s soul crushing and tons of sacrifices had to be made, if not, society will paint you as an a**. That’s what being a man is supposed to be. Have to be a father model and juggling finances, which is a norm.”

“I think eating good food/travelling is the only way she can ‘escape’ since all she could do is stay home take care of house and baby”

The comments section had a mix of opinions about whether the man’s resentment towards his wife was reasonable.

On one side, some sympathized with the man, viewing his situation as pitiful because he bore all the financial burdens while his wife spent lavishly.

Conversely, others took a different stance, defending the wife’s actions and suggesting that her desire to travel and spend money was her way of prioritizing her mental health.

One individual explained:

“I think eating good food/travelling is the only way she can ‘escape’ since all she could do is stay home take care of house and baby. She doesn’t have an income nor a job; what else is there that she can be excited about actually?”

They then suggested that he could deal with this situation in two ways: to have a candid discussion with his wife about their finances and negotiate a fixed monthly budget specifically for food and entertainment expenses.

The second option is to help her find something she enjoys, like a hobby or part-time job. They believed engaging in fulfilling activities could help reduce her impulsive spending habits.

Other sole breadwinners also chimed in on the discussion and opened up about their own circumstances.

One individual said, “OP I’m a sole breadwinner with two kids too. I can totally empathise with you. I’ve stopped many hobbies since having kids too.

It hurts when my wife goes for facial or laser treatment that each cost as much as my old spectacle that hasn’t been changed for decades.”

While another shared, “Young sole breadwinner here, 2 kids as well. I think the main issue is the social media influence.

Wife and I cut off social media (except reddit for me) totally ever since we got married because we knew the life we want, and for the past 3-4 years, all has been great.”

Read related: “My wife has been unemployed for 2 years and I’m about to snap” — Man says after shouldering “all bills” for two years

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