Singapore — In the tale of Jamus Lim versus a broken heart, it can be safely said that Assoc Prof Lim emerged as the winner.
Using the #RedefiningFailure hashtag in a Facebook post on Oct 14, he recounted how the heartbreak he experienced when his longtime girlfriend broke up with him led to a period of taking more classes instead of finishing his PhD, which qualified him for an additional master’s degree in politics.
In GE 2020, Assoc Prof Lim emerged as one of the newest stars in Singapore’s political scene and helped the Workers’ Party win its second GRC at Sengkang.
“The failed relationship taught me how to find myself again,” he wrote.
His post came right in time for International Day for Failure, which falls on Oct 13. It’s a day when “people are encouraged to throw away the shame associated with failing, whether the failure is personal or professional,” according to mental health advocacy Calm Collective Asia. Hence, the hashtag.
The Sengkang MP wrote that when his girlfriend broke up with him, it was “one of the darkest moments” in his life.
It had been a five-year relationship where he had considered the woman as the person that he “was destined to marry,” and the break-up was devastating.
At that time he was about to start the dissertation for his PhD, but heartbreak left him unable to do so.
“It is said that it takes at least an extra month to get over every additional year of being with someone. So I was due for around half a year of pain and anguish.
Although I was supposed to launch right into my research, it became impossible; any extended time of pondering led me to dwell on the lost relationship.”
Assoc Prof Lim described his heartbreak this way:
“Broken relationships aren’t an uncommon experience for most people. Still, it was a very rough time for me. My faith was challenged, and I found little comfort in the distractions that I had set up for myself.
My studies seemed to be meaningless, and I even started to blame the failure of our relationship on the fact that I had chosen to study abroad. I spent a lot of time alone, floating in a mental haze: going for long walks in the woods, listening to sappy jazz songs about breakup, nursing drinks till closing on Sunday night at the bar.”
However, right around the six-month mark, things got better. He writes that he learned to calm down and regain inner peace, as well as be on his own.
“I learned to be comfortable in solitude, rather than sad. I found the release that allowed me to enjoy solo hikes, rainy day jazz, and lonely drinks. The failed relationship taught me how to find myself again.”
He then offered hope to those in similar situations:
“For all those who are in a challenging moment of your own, I hope you come to the same realization as I did: that there is a future, with you in it, that is surrounded once again by laughter and contentment and solace.
I hope you will find it, either on your own, or with the help of others who love you and care for you and want you to return from that dark place. #RedefiningFailure“
He wrote that because he could not do his research, he concentrated on more coursework, leading to another master’s degree.
“As it turns out, I took so many classes from my attempt at distraction that I ended up with enough credits to qualify for an additional masters in politics, which I petitioned for (and received).”
Later on, he met his now-wife, he added as part of his postscript.
“And of course, I eventually met my lovely wife a few years thereafter, when I no longer felt the need for someone to ‘complete’ me.”
/TISG
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