SINGAPORE: A woman who was not sure if she would want to have children in future took to social media asking if this meant the end of her relationship as her boyfriend did not want children.
In an anonymous post to popular confessions page SGWhispers, the woman said that when she and her boyfriend spoke about having children in future, he was quite clear in not wanting them and even said his view was unlikely to change in future.
“I’m currently on the fence and not sure yet for the future, but do not want kids in the next 3 years after marriage (maybe 2 years from now)”, she wrote.
However, her boyfriend said that he was worried that she might want children in the future “due to development of parenting instincts/love for kids. Then at that stage, one party has to compromise (bf give in to either have kid, or i give in and not have kid), and be unhappy while the other feel guilty”.
The woman said that while this unknown was a big consideration for her, she felt that the other aspects of their relationship were great.
She asked netizens for advice on what they should do.
Most netizens who commented on the post said that it was imperative the couple agreed on these things before marriage.
One said: “3 things you both need to agree on before even discussing abt marriage:- Kids….both have to agree whether to have them and how to raise them – finance…who pay for what – In laws….how to deal with each other in-laws. If you both can’t agree on any of these 3, don’t get married because love for each other is not enough”.
Similarly, another netizen commented: “Don’t bring a kid into this world if both are not on board with the idea unequivocally. One or both of you might change your minds down the road. Then again it’s not just the topic of having kids or not that will arise. There will be other issues that crop up. It’s whether both have fundamentally similar goals to start with”.
Earlier this year, a man in his early 30s took to social media asking if he needed to work hard since he did not intend to have children. In an anonymous post to popular confessions page SGWhispers, the man asked if his “childless mindset” affected his passion and motivation for career progression. He shared that he was in his early to mid-30s and was earning above S$100,000 per annum (more than S$8,000 per month). He paid for his S$300,000 house renovation in cash and said he could fully pay up the mortgage on his house any time soon, should he choose to. “I did not go for high-end brandings and instead wearing Uniqlo, Giordano, Bata and etc those berms with sandles (sic) like an average Joe without any watch (I don’t owned any watch more than $250) unless special occasion requires proper dressed up”, the man wrote. He added that he was an introvert who could stay at home for a few months without a need to talk to anyone.