Who Should Pay On The First Date?

SINGAPORE: A netizen took to social media asking for others’ views on who should pay on the first date. “My view is that each person should pay for their OWN share, and neither party is responsible/obligated to pay for the other person’s meal”, the man wrote in an anonymous post to confessions page NUSWhispers.

Throughout his post, he shared various viewpoints people had and gave his thoughts on them. For those of the opinion that the guy should pay, he wrote: “We live in a modern society where girls can earn just as much as guys, no longer in the 18th or 19th century, so why should a guy pay for the lady, who is able to earn just as much or even more than the guy can? Are girls to be treated as equals? Or an inferior gender such that they can’t afford their own meal?”

He explained that many girls he knew felt that whoever extended the invitation should be the one to pay. But, “I think whoever invites the other person out for a first date is giving an invitation for both people to MUTUALLY agree that they would like to have a first meetup/date to get to know each other better, and NOT that the person who invites is going to treat a meal or anything”, he added. He explained that the invitation should be a chance for both parties to get to know each other.

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The man then added that some women felt that because of the amount of effort they put into dressing up and getting ready for the date, the man should pay. To this, the guy said: “Does that mean that if I as the guy, buy a very expensive nice-looking outfit and wear it to the first date, you are obligated to treat me to a very expensive meal since I wore such an exquisite outfit for you to see? Your decision to put on makeup or dress up nicely or not is entirely your call and dependent on how you wish to present yourself, no guy is obligated/responsible to pay (indirectly by paying for your meal) for your fashion/makeup choices”.

In his post, he said that a first date is for both people to see if there is a connection, meaning that a second date is not a given. “I think that expecting the other person to pay for your meal (whether you’re a man or woman) is an entitled attitude, and a red flag that people should avoid when finding a partner. As a guy, it seems like girls who have bad upbringing and bad peer influence are more likely to have this entitled attitude”, the man said, asking others for their views on the matter.

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Earlier this year, a young woman who just graduated from the National University of Singapore (NUS) took to social media to share her poor experience on her first-ever date.

In an anonymous post to popular confessions page NUSWhispers, the woman wrote that she was evergreen or had no relationship or dating experience. She added that she “didn’t find love during my university days as I was focusing on my studies. I was never into the idea of using a dating app but my friends had always been encouraging me to”. She wrote that she found it intimidating to meet and talk to strangers.

At the insistence of her friends, she went on a dating app and matched with someone she saw potential in. After messaging for about a month, she mustered the courage to meet him in person. “He brought me to fast food restaurant on the first date and we went dutch. & He then ghosted me after a few weeks”, she wrote.

Evergreen NUS grad who decided to use a dating app was taken to a fast food restaurant on the first date and made to go dutch