There is a saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, which is somewhat a fitting description for someone working in the sex industry.
While male escorts may have very prejudiced reputations and often stereotyped as a whole, there is definitely something more that the job entails making it an interesting choice of study.
One man, named Ryan James, tells all about his life as a male escort through a book entitled A Memoir of a Male Escort – Secrets of the Sex Industry. An extract from the book is as follows.
Ryan talks about the backgrounds and reasons why women hire him as a male escort. He also expounds on the deeper role he plays in their lives which is actually therapeutic in nature. As a male escort, Ryan shares that the best part of his job is the people he meets. Women from different religions, races, shapes, sizes and relationship situation. His only requirements for accepting a client is that she’s female, respectful, hygienic and an adult. There is no such thing as a typical client for Ryan because just when he thinks he’s seen them all, he is faced with a new situation.
It’s a bit upsetting that women go to him for reasons that could have been avoided completely. Reasons such as a woman being afraid her partner would hurt or criticize her for being virgin hence she goes to Ryan for a positive first sexual experience or a woman getting over sexual abuse and wanted to experience having sex again without the trauma or married women who have been disregarded by their husbands for years. Because of this, Ryan explains that his job is so much more than making sure his client “gets laid”.
He definitely broke the misconception that women only go to male escorts as a last resort because they can’t have sex elsewhere. In fact, he reaffirms that every single client of his, without exception, could have easily gone to a bar or online dating sites and hooked up with someone like how it’s usually done nowadays.
But no. Ryan explains, “Instead, they all came to see a male escort because it was their choice. In every case, the client wanted to have control, to decide what she wanted to do and what she didn’t want to do.”
This is why single mothers choose to go to him because they just don’t have the time to juggle work and kids plus the risk of hurting her kids by bringing a new guy into their lives and him not committing.
This is why a lesbian went to him to try having sex with the opposite gender, realizes she still preferred women and ticked off an item from her bucket list.
Sex and Therapy
Then there are his clients who have sexual issues such as the involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles known as vaginismus. They go to him because they find dating a guy and explaining to him her condition quite difficult to overcome or prepare for. Because there are no strings attached having done it with a male escort, such clients can ease into sexual activity without worry.
Women with disability, a condition, a dead husband, a traumatizing sexual past or not, Ryan breaks the common judgement that if a woman doesn’t have a “good reason” for going to an escort, then she should not even be considering it at all by saying: “Sometimes a woman just wants to have an hour or two of fun in the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with her wanting to see an escort for pure sexual enjoyment.”
Being a male escort doesn’t just mean having sex, as much as others would assume. One escort, whom we will keep anonymous for confidentiality purposes said that his bookings tend to last between 4-6 hours and occasionally, “they’re 24 hours, which is my preference because I get the opportunity to create a real fantasy for her”. And this doesn’t mean it’s an everyday thing.
Because this job requires a lot of research, planning and customization, escorts usually book only 3-5 appointments a week. A lot of them also have other lives to live. They also have full control on which clients to accept and entertain or politely decline. A lot of them also set rules and limits which cannot be trespassed otherwise the booking would have to be cancelled.
As much as this profession would be highly satisfying, there are some sacrifices and compromises to be made. Male escorts have admitted that the main problems revolve around emotions and relationships.
There would be times that they would develop a deep emotional connection with a client which would eventually turn into a friendship. They would then need to apply the ability to keep a distinct separation from work and personal affairs.
Dating and relationships is another issue that most face in this line of work. According to the men, women who are in a relationship with a male escort will need a lot of understanding, open-mindedness and trust in order to keep the relationship functioning and healthy.