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Gay: Why I don’t feel bad cheating with a married man

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The following is a confession posted on GLBT Voices Singapore:

I have been dating a married guy so I guess I am what you would call a homewrecker, but I do not feel bad about it. Not one single bit, actually.

There are a lot of misperceptions about being “the other woman” or in my case, “the other MAN”. Generally, society acts as if we deliberately sniff out a married or taken individual for the entire purpose of screwing over his or her relationship. Not true. We met, we hit it off, we screwed.

Morally and socially, however, we view infidelity as being “wrong”. Shame on the person who commits it, and shame on “the other woman/man” who was involved. The latter are almost always labeled as home wreckers, but how? The lack of commitment between two individuals to hold up their respective ends of the bargain wrecked the home; the means in which it was carried out is irrelevant.

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Drugs, alcohol, gambling, and other addictions wreck homes. Poor finances, lack of communication, different goals and values, and a general lack of compatibility between two people wreck homes. But it’s much easier to blame another person, some stranger you are likely never to fully know, than to accept your portion of responsibility in why a relationship is tanking and why both parties failed to put forth the effort to fix it. That person actually becomes the lightning rod of hate, an excuse, a reason not to fix your shortcomings.

Somewhere on this page some self righteous bitch is going to be tearing tampons out of their vajayjays or climbing on their moral high horses ready to wage war. No, they’re going to exclaim, cheating is still wrong!. And yet so is failing to uphold your own commitment to your spouses and forcing them to deal with a turd instead.

Seldom is there a picture perfect marriage with beautiful, successful, proactive spouses with a strong sex life that turns to infidelity. There is always some hidden underlying complaint, and instead of accepting that you failed to uphold your end of relationship commitments –you stopped working out, you stopped caring about your looks, you stopped moving forward, you stopped caring about your spouse – you point fingers at the one commitment you may not be guilty of. But the rest of the commitments you failed at? You conveniently overlook.

And so most people do and continue to carry their sob story of infidelity like a torch to share with others, all while continuing their awful habits that sent their partner astray in the first place.

So, no, I don’t feel bad, nor do I feel like a home wrecker. I feel like a grown adult attracted to another adult and wanting a good time. You, your spouse, and a combination of the aforementioned are the actual home wreckers, and you’re likely never going to take responsibility for it.

This is a confession from a “home wrecker”. Your home was never mine to wreck in the first place; I promise I can’t do a damn thing to it. I don’t feel bad about what’s going on in your relationship; I feel bad that you’re too naive to see it.

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